RUDE WORDS

I've just spoken to the Head of the Adoption Team.

The timings I was given weren't realistic, it's going to take longer than I'd hoped (that's not a surprise but it's still a disappointment).

I'd been told if I applied at the end of last year that my HS should start in the New Year, it will but likely not until April or May with Panel about 4 months later. The more encouraging news was that a child under 18 months was a realistic expectation and that matches within 12 months is also a fair expectation in relation to how it's been in the recent past.

Rude words and a few tears.

I've never been a patient person, I don't need any more 'tests' to prove it.

2 MONTHS

My papers have been in Thailand for 2 months.

Not a day goes by without me thinking of Little Sis and wondering if she'll actually be from Thailand - it seems that I'm a pessimist about adoption and very doubtful until referral comes through and that's likely to be many, many months into the future.

RIGHT SONG,VERY WRONG VERSION!

I listened to this song while I was waiting for Alice, the lyrics are very appropriate and I'd love to have a copy of a the song, but not this version!

Can anyone tell me where I could find another version?

Thanks.


The lyrics to The Stargazers - I See The Moon

Over the mountain over the sea
Back where my heart is longing to be
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love

I see the moon the moon sees me
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree
(Back where my heart) Back where my heart is longing to be
(Please let the light) Please let the light that shines on me
(Shine on the one I love) Shine on the one I love

(Everybody once again)
Over the mountain over the sea
Back where my heart is longing to be
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love
(Please) Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love

Over the mountain over the sea
Back where my heart is longing to be
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the one I love

Let the little lady with the tambourine sing (Hee hee hee)
I kissed the rose (no not yet)
I kissed the rose (no not yet)
I kissed the rose and the (no not yet, now)
I kissed the rose the rose kissed me
Fragrant as only a rose can be (sing a little louder miss)
Please take the kiss (not too loud) that comforts me
Back to the one I love

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS

Alice is obviously the best and biggest blessing.

But tonight I've been reading an adoption blog - another UK couple who started the process in October 2007 and they still haven't got to Panel. The timings aren't a surprise but it did act to remind me how lucky I am. They don't seem to have a Panel date, it will probably nearly 6 months after Panel before their papers get to their country, well over 2 years. I restarted the process last August and my papers should arrive in Thailand tomorrow - just over 10 months from starting.

EASTER - 2007 TO 2008

Several times today I reflected on the difference a year (ish) can make - thinking back to last Easter.

2007 - In the fortnight before Easter referral rumours started again. The previous month's referrals had got to the 24th October, my date was the 1st November - I was the 8th day in the queue. I didn't believe that I'd make the Easter referral batch, then the rumours grew stronger and it was rumoured that my date would be included. For the first few days of rumours I was strong, but as they grew stronger I began to hope and believe that I could be included that time around. I was interviewed for the Radio 4 programme about adopting from China, spirits were high, the weather was good, everything looked positive. Then referrals arrived, only 2 days worth, devastation and panic. Only 2 days, how many more months would I have to wait? Would I have to go back to school in September? Easter 2007 was hard, the uncertainty of if and when referral would arrive for me, the balancing act for school, the thought of a baby waiting in an orphanage or foster care, most of all not knowing if there was someone there to hold her while she drank her bottle or to comfort her when she cried . So many unknowns creating doubt and sadness.

In hindsight it's easy to say 'I should have been strong, I should have savoured those times of being carefree and independent,' but the reality then was that I was desperate to know that referral would arrive, to know about my baby, to stop talking about the conditional and start knowing facts - to see my baby, to know her name, to know all about her and to hold her in my arms.

2008 - my arms, my life and my heart is full. Alice is here. Alice is wonderful. Motherhood is a fantastic challenge.

SIGNIFICANT SONG WHILE WAITING . . .

I See The Moon

I see the moon and the moon sees me,
down through the leaves of the old oak tree.
Please let the light that shines on me,
shine on the one that I love.
Over the mountains, over the sea,
I have a love who is waiting for me.
Please let the light that shines on me,
shine on the one that I love.



I've got a short version of this song on my computer. I tried to get it on CD, but the CD is an American format and I can't play it!

The words of this song represent a lot of the emotion of the adoption process. I used to sing this song while I was waiting for referral. It means a lot to me and is particularly special now that I can sing it to Alice during her bedtime bottle.

CHINA GIRL, RADIO 4 PROGRAMME

Listen here! The BBC are having problems with the 'Listen Again' function at the moment, but it should be available to listen to for 7 days.

Our part went out this morning. I missed the broadcast (due to the health visitor's visit). So I listened to the recording on Sky+ while I fed Alice lunch. I cried through most of the programme and was extremely glad that Alice was there to give lots of kisses and cuddles.

LEAVING IN AN HOUR!

I hope to blog from China. We don't get to the hotel until about 4-5pm tomorrow (China time, UK 9-10 am), so don't expect to hear anything until Sunday?

Hopefully I'll lose the butterflies en-route!

For any AUTUMN DREAMERS - every bit of luggage has orange ribbons, mostly gingham (until I ran out!)

The waiting's nearly over.

x o x o x

COUNTDOWN

49 hours still at home.

95 and a bit hours before meeting my baby.

ITTs, AN EXPLANATION!

. . . for those readers in foreign lands:

An ITT is an Invitation To Travel - it's the same as a TA (I think). The ITT permits us to get a visa (though I got mine with a copy of the acceptance letter) and allows the adoption process to happen in China.

It's a great relief to know that it will be in my hands tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my last day in school for a while, I think it could be quite an emotional day!

ITTs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. . . are ON THEIR WAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN GO AND GET MY BABY x o x o x

NAMES - A DECISION OF SORTS!

. . . not about her name. I truly don't know what her name will be! On the list at the moment are:
Alice, Beatrice, Clara, Jemima, Matilda or Romilly are the most likely, but it could be something else, so, for now, she's still Whatshername.

When will you know her name? I'm not sure, it depends how the internet access goes in China!! I'll try to post about it on the day I meet her or on Adoption day - again it depends on when I make my mind up!! 1st or 2nd of July, so up to 11 more days to wait. I know that some of you are frustrated by the wait - how do you think I feel?!

EMOTIONS

. . . silly things, funny things, thought-provoking things and even statistics are all moving me to tears at the moment.

10 days til I meet my baby, that's unbelievable to me at the moment. But I've focused so much on when I meet her that I was totally overwhelmed this morning as I realised that I leave a week from tomorrow - HOLY COW!

The wonderful T has been organising me, some of the time without me even realising. She's following my plans but without being asked. I went into the nursery last night - I knew that the painting should have been finished, I hadn't realised she'd hung the new lampshade (white with pink fairies and flowers embroidered on it!). The new carpet is due to be laid next Wednesday but the changing table won't arrive until while we're away.

T had also moved the corner cupboard out of the sitting room and made it fit in the dining room - where it looks good and it will probably stay (instead of being sold) which is good as I like the china it displays and it will be nice to have a more 'grown-up' room! She's also set up 1 of the 4 sets of 'BabyDans' as a fire guard in the drawing room, 2 of the others will be playpens (1 up and 1 down stairs!) and the 4th was supposed to be a fireguard around the wood-burner that I'm still wondering about, but I also need to use 1 as a room divider in the hall so it won't go to waste!

We're getting there, but no doubt there are more tears (mostly happy) to come in the next few weeks!

11 DAYS

. . . 11 days ago was the day that the cotbed was delivered and assembled, the day I bought the car seat. No time at all.

. . . in 11 days time I will meet my daughter! Butterflies are starting to flutter.

Today was a school day. The children in my class were only told yesterday about the adoption and that I would be leaving on Friday. Today was also my playground duty day - the girls swarmed round me, beaming, they didn't want to 'talk' just to be close, it was very sweet. I've told the whole class that I'll take the photos in tomorrow and tell them all about her, as soon as I started talking about it they had lots of questions! It was lovely to know that they knew - I've been waiting to tell them ever since I knew about Whatshername!

I finish work on Friday. 2 more days to go.

Thinking about what's going to happen in China. I turn up, present a special piece of paper and my passport and they give me my daughter. Then we're together, forever. There's more paperwork to do after that, but Whatshername will be with me for all of that. It will take about 9 days to complete all the paperwork and then we'll be on our way home.

Meantime, 21 days til we're home. 3 weeks to go. 3 weeks ago was half term, a busy day with lunch with friends (D & A - Whatshername's first friend) and supper with other friends. Even 3 weeks doesn't seem that long ago - I think the next 3 weeks will seem a lot longer!

UN-BL**DY-BELIEVABLE

The guide (in China) emails to say that the ITTs (last piece of paperwork needed before travel) are in the UK. [1 - it takes someone in China to tell us this?]

So I rang the UK authorities to check if they have them, they do! BUT they can't tell us when they'll be sending them out. They've checked every piece of paperwork, surely by now they know this bit's coming and how important it is to us and how we need it NOW!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

WE INTERUPT THIS BLOG

. . . to change broadband providers! I maybe offline this evening and most of tomorrow, but hopefully no longer than that!

Had a very busy day today, lots of phone calls and organising, a useful day.

Hope to be here again tomorrow, in the meantime I'm staring at Whatshername and marvelling that I will finally meet her in 13 days, I remember exactly what I was doing 13 days ago and that seems no time at all ago. Wow, an incredible process that continues to amaze me.

FOREVER COUNTING TIME

15 days until I meet my baby.

15 days ago - 1st June, my visit to the Chinese Embassy to get my visa, a very emotional day.

It truly doesn't seem that long ago, but it that much time again my life will change forever.

Time's a very strange thing - when you're waiting it passes so slowly, when you're living the moment time flies! Lots of people have remarked how quickly the time since referral has gone. For me time is especially quirky at the moment, the days are going quite quickly as there's so much to do, but minute by minute time drags.

PREPARATIONS RUMBLE ON! PART 2

N's got his passport back, with Visa included.

My fab Travel Agent has confirmed the seating bookings for the long flight home - the sky cot was already saved in 1 location, so we have to go 'upstairs', that'll be a first for me. There are only 20 or so seats up there, the other passengers are going to b*mmed when they realise that they have a 13+ hour flight with an 8 month old. I'm ready to be the most unpopular passenger on the plane - as a lone passenger wouldn't have wanted to sit anywhere near me with Whatshername!

At home the decorators have started. They're doing the nursery, the hall (it's huge and hasn't been done for many years) and part of the outside (that'll be the end of the work from replacing the windows). Each set of paint is causing problems!! The nursery problems are the simplest - indecision! The hall - matching the old colour (without a colour card) and getting hold of the manufacturer to order the bl*ssed stuff. Outside is causing the most hassle - I want yellow, but it's hard to find in exterior paint as (apparently) the yellow pigments tend to fade, I choose a colour only to find that it wasn't an option for exteriors (but it was the decorator who bought it for me!!)

So the nursery wall is dotted with 1 yellow patch and many pink ones - they're also painted on pieces of paper so that I can take the 'winner' with me when I go to choose the carpet this morning. That means I have to make a decision in the next 48 minutes!! Ugh, I'm being to hate making decisions.

WHATSHERNAME

. . .with more than just a tear in my eye . . . Whatshername is now 8 months old and I get to meet her as an 8 month old, just 16 more days until I can hold my baby. Until then I whisper to the wind to tell my baby I love her and can't wait to hold her and kiss her.

Waiting's hard.

18 DAYS

In 18 days I will finally meet Whatshername and within 24 hours of that she MUST have a name.

18 days. 2 and a half weeks.

18 days ago was the first day of half term, I met with school friends in Bath, we had a lovely supper with a long gossip and then we went to see 'Acorn Antiques'. It was a good evening, it seems like yesterday, let's hope the 18 days to come go just as well and just as quickly! Then I'll want time to slow down so I can savour every bit of Whatshername's childhood.