THINKING AHEAD

. . . 2 weeks from now, when you wake in the UK or US timezones, I'll be in China.

Not just anywhere in China, but for the first time I'll be in the same city as my daughter, close to her birthplace (maybe, we'll never know), the place where she's spent most of her life (maybe all, again we'll never know).

Our lives will be about to change, forever. The changes in my life will seem huge, but they're nothing compared to what's going to happen to her. I've longed for this change, I've created this change, I've planned for this change and I've made this change happen. But for Whatshername - she doesn't know this is going to happen, it's happening to her without her having any control over the change, she'll be totally unprepared and (hopefully only to begin with) she probably won't want it to happen.

The changes in her life will be enormous, nothing will be the same. Some of the changes will happen immediately (such as handover, after some paperwork, they literally just give her to me with immediate full custody), other changes will be more gradual (leaving China) - but all the major changes will happen to her within 10 days or so.

So when you meet her, please remember how much she has already gone through and how confused and anxious she is probably feeling - that's why she needs her mummy, she needs calm and compassionate 'non'handling' (please leave her with her mummy - while you can talk and touch her let mummy hold her to reassure her).