CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

On Christmas Eve we went to a Christingle service in A'g.

We came home in the snow and the dark. After supper we got on with the crucial preparations, Alice chose the mince pie for FC, the carrot for Rudolf and together we set the tray, then she hung stocking while I took photos.

Afterwards we talked about the Christmas story and her bedtime story was the Nativity (in Alice's version it's the Baby Joseph with Brother Mary!)

She'd obviously been 'good enough' as the sack was overflowing with pressies, and FC was very good too and recycled the glass bottle!

1 IN 11

Sorry for the bloggy break, we've been a bit busy!

1 in 11? In the last 11 days we've eaten lunch at home just once!

Last weekend we went to visit some special friends and to see many more at a celebration. We spent Tuesday with D, A and baby D at a local community farm. Wednesday (novelty) we spent the day at home. Thursday we travelled close to Bath and went for a lovely walk with lots of other IA families, a really useful, morale boosting, fun time. Friday we met Grandad south of Hungerford for lunch. Yesterday we went to soft play, finally got to the supermarket and then went to a Halloween party at a nursery friend's barn. Today we went to church and then to celebrate D's 60th birthday. A very busy half term, we've had lots of fun and travelled over 1,000 miles!

MID AUTUMN FESTIVALS

Alice told me last night that it was time for bed, as I put her to bed she told me she needed a lie-in in the morning - even without that I knew she was tired. She slept til 8:30 this morning and we then had a gentle start to the day and Alice was delighted to have a very leisurely bath! Despite our gentle start she was tearful before we even made it downstairs and grumpy for the rest of the morning.

By lunchtime I had a humdinger of a headache and so all our plans were shelved. I was intending to stew this year's apple crop (which was very poor) and then make some mini apple pies - to eat for Mid Autumn Festival, family fruit in a round shape, I thought it appropriate, but it didn't happen. Instead Alice watched a film as I sort of snoozed. She had a cupcake after supper (which we've done every year), she stayed up late to look for the moon, but it was cloudy. We read 'We See the Moon' and talked about her birth family in China and Granny and Grandpa on the stars, we sent them all kisses to the sky. Then at bedtime I sang her 'I See the Moon' and explained that I used to sing it while I was waiting for her, she listened and then told me I was silly - one day she might understand!

We don't celebrate many Chinese festivals, but this is the one that always makes me very emotional - thinking of a birth family far away, wondering if they remember their beautiful baby and wonder what happened to her, wishing they knew she was loved and happy, my treasure.

(And the photos - each MAF from 2007 onwards, huge changes every year, she surely can't go on changing this much?)

REMEMBERING

We sang 'Happy Birthday Grandpa', he would be 65 today, it's the 8th birthday we've remembered without him.

We went to A's birthday party today, it got me planning Alice's party as it will be at the same place. I came home and had a trial run at Alice's cake. I wasn't sure about the capacity of the shaped cake tin. When it was (eventually) cooked and Alice had gone to bed, I had another practice - icing it! Then I couldn't resist putting 3 candles down the middle and remembered Grandpa as I blew them out for him. The result of the cake test was fine, as usual the finer details are the bits that I need more practice at and I probably need to find a different way to do them.

Also remembering 25 years ago - was the day I started boarding school. That day is etched on my memory, most of all the devastation of being left there - I was well prepared for what was going to happen but I hadn't thought through actually being left there! We had a welcome tea with our tutor in the main dining hall, I remember Mum's horror when another parent (a famous rockstar's ex-wife) produced the embroidery silk and asked what it was for, Mum had spent many evening using the silk to embroider my initials on every piece of sports kit (and many more naming everything!) I can remember feeling very lost and following a girl from my form, she was tall and had blondish, curly hair - so she was easy to spot in a busy corridor!!

FEEDING THE FISH, PLAYING IN THE PARK AND TEATIME FUN

This afternoon we met up with J, K, E and A at a local canal wharf.

It was one of the first places that I took Alice when we came home and I remember that day vividly and am astounded at the changes in 21 months, see for yourselves here!

We started off feeding the fish and ducks, then we went up the hill to the 'park'. Wow, what changes. 21 months ago Alice sat in the sunshine on a rug and watched E and A, today she tagged along doing most of what they were doing!

After a lovely time at the park we came home for tea and more playtime!

A simple afternoon with special people (they are friends as well as being family!)

ALICE AT THE WEDDING

Yes, Alice wore her Baptism Dress again, with new shoes and cardigan and this time she wore the 'fluff' that I'd bought for the Baptism but didn't need because of the beautiful weather, she probably didn't need it on Tuesday but she had a stinking cold (still has it) and I might be a little overprotective as she doesn't express her needs so I always worry that she's too hot or too cold!!

She loved the columns in the chapel and had a super time spinning round them.

THE BRIDE'S PARENTS

THE WEDDING FAMILY!

The wedding was on Tuesday and the reason for our visit to the Scillies. The bride's maternal grandfather's family were Scillonians (I think that that's the correct term), so that's why we all migrated (mostly from South Wales) to the IoS for the wedding. The bride also worked on St Mary's for several years.

We had a specially arranged boat to take us from Bryher to St Mary's (the largest island) for the wedding. We then went to a hotel overlooking the harbour to get into our wedding clothes (and to chomp on pastries and nibbles whilst slurping fizz) before a short walk to the Weslian Chapel - St Mary's Register Office in Hugh Town, for the wedding at 11am.

I'm sure that the ceremony was lovely, unfortunately I was rather distracted by Alice and (despite a tube of colourful choccies) her inappropriate, loud and poor behaviour - not helped by most people thinking she's older than she really is (because of her size). By the end of the service she'd even got to know the photographer intimately (I was too busy trying to remove her to manage a photo of that!) Luckily the bride works with pre-school children and so Alice's antics didn't surprise her, in fact the whole wedding party were very understanding, but that doesn't stop me feeling embarrassed by her behaviour, she is VERY 2 at the moment.

After that we went to a local bar (not sure if it was a hotel or not) where the bride had worked. Alice was much better behaved - distracted by a glass of water and a straw whilst sitting at the bar - somehow that makes me more nervous! Then it was back on the boat to get back to our hotel for the reception. We had a delicious buffet lunch and lovely wedding goody bags (they were too generous to call favours!) Alice went into meltdown shortly after pudding so we missed the cheese and speeches (and probably other things too) for Alice to go for a nap and then through a series of unfortunate events we also missed the later celebration on the other side of the island.

It was a lovely day and we were incredibly fortunate with the weather - it couldn't have been better for the main parts of the wedding but it did get stormy by mid afternoon.

WHERE HAVE WE BEEN - REVEALED!

Well done S - you guessed correctly! We've been to the Isles of Scilly.

On Monday we drove to Penzance, then we caught a helicopter to Tresco, a tractor took us from the heliport to the quay, a very short boat ride got us across to Bryher before a L*androver took our luggage to the hotel. Some of the family met us from the boat and so we walked across the island to the hotel. We were in the IoS for a family wedding - many more photos to come!

WHERE HAVE WE BEEN?

Over 450 miles, 2 helicopter rides, 8 boat rides, some time in L*androver, 2 journeys by tractor and 1 wedding.

Any guesses where we've been?

(More clues - lots of beautiful beaches and not a single shop visited!!)

19 DAYS . . . AND I CAN GO TO THE BALL, SORT OF!

My favourite dress shop closed last year. Me and my wardrobe have been at a loss ever since! I've been to several places but every shop has been a let down, til today! Today I went to Coventry - 100 miles, 2 hour drive, thank heavens for Sat Nav. I went to a shop that had sent me a mailshot 18 months ago. The owner was there alone today and she was great - chatty and friendly but also a good listener and very tolerant of all my quirks.

I'm not actually going to a ball, it's a wedding. I'd already decided that Alice would wear her Baptismal outfit again (i.e. Mummy's too stingy to buy another outfit!) I spent more on new accessories for Alice than the dress cost originally (it was a sale bargain!) But I was beginning to panic about what I would be wearing. In this new shop I actually had a choice of outfits that looked good, that felt appropriate and that I would wear again. So I now have an outfit for the wedding, I'm happy with it and it's in my favourite colour. The wedding is somewhere where I've never been and it's reported to be very breezy, 'The Day' will involve at least 2 boat trips and walking cobbled streets so the choice of attire is crucial. Now I've got the clothes 'sorted' I can begin to truly look forward to a very special day, hurray! (Can you tell I'm a stress-bucket?!)

LOVELY DAY

Simple things, good food and kind, caring company made for a really lovely and relaxed day (though it wasn't relaxed for all but the results were worth it!)

STILL BUSY!

Yesterday we caught a steam train to see Father Christmas. Lovely trip but 2 disappointments - we went with K and her children E and A, so 5 of us went into see FC and I thought he was a bit rushed this year. As Alice is under 3 she travelled for free and had a 'baby' present - a logo teddy for the steam railway, I wasn't impressed with her pressie compared to the goody bag that the 3s and overs were given, luckily she didn't seem to mind! (Photos to follow in another post).

Then in the afternoon GFW, Aunty J and baby L came for a cuppa - during their pre-Christmas visit to GFW's parents'. It was super to see them but unfortunately L was really suffering with teething pain and I was suffering with painful behaviour from Alice (which was explained later on!)

Later in the afternoon, D, D and A brought a Chinese takeaway over for supper. Alice wasn't impressed with what was actually a delicious meal, she especially didn't appreciate the hot noddles. Partway through the meal she vomited, immediately afterwards she was in a much better humour and proceeded to demand ice cream and then more ice cream. Then the girls played while we watched the first part of the S*trictly C*ome D*ancing final - a great show, by this stage Alice had quite a hoarse voice and A was running a temperature. After the first SCD show D, D and A left and I put Alice to bed before the second part of the final. It was a great show - from the final 2 I wanted Tom to win but thought that Rachel was better dancer, until I saw Tom's free dance, fantastic! I actually agreed with the judges' scores from the first show and that Lisa should have won - but her free dance was a disappointment. Despite agreeing with the decision I still have a problem with the competition being turned into a popularity contest when it should be about the dancing and not the personalities!

Today's been quieter but just as busy as yesterday. Alice coughed sporadically through the night and more regularly through today. This morning we had a much needed visit to the supermarket. C arrived once Alice was in bed for her afternoon nap and with her guidance I worked on Alice's Christmas sack. The sack took over most of the afternoon and all of the evening (once Alice had gone to sleep) and I finally finished sewing on bells just after 10pm! I'm NOT a sew-er (or a sewer!) and so I'm very proud of the finished sack (photo on another post) - my Mum must be beaming (she was very good at sewing and always disappointed that I showed no interest or talent!)

Despite a busy weekend there's plenty more to be done before Thursday - including wrapping pressies, quite a bit of cooking and food shopping too. Happy Christmas everyone!

REMEMBERING

My step-father, Nick.

I said Goodbye 7 years ago tonight.

I can't hear fireworks without remembering that evening, Saturday 3rd November 2001, being told to get to the hospital as quickly as I could. I did, I was with him when he died. His death was a kindness at the end of a horrid, cruel illness.

He taught me so much. I miss him. I mourn the relationship that he would have had with Alice. But most of all I love him still.

NEVER FORGOTTEN

My Mum.

Today is the 5th anniversary of her death. I find the 10th (my birthday) is usually a harder day than the 12th.

This year things were a little easier - I miss Mum every day but I've got to a point where I can't regret her death. Her death was as she would have wished - quick and unexpected, very hard for me but hopefully not for her. Mum's death was the direct stimulus to begin my adoption of Alice - I am glad to have regained a positive outlook and once again have joy in my life, thanks to Alice. I can't regret Mum's death as I wouldn't have Alice - the 2 people I love most in my life and they never knew each other. Last year should have been a little easier (for Alice's presence in my life) however a very sick dog (who I shared with Mum) made it harder again.

Mum died on a Sunday evening. This year is the first time that this anniversary had fallen on a Sunday. I purposely chose this day to have Alice baptised. I wanted to turn a day with dreadful associations into a day of celebration. We prayed for Mum and Nick at the baptism. Never a day passes without thoughts of them both.

Today I smiled. My daughter is a joy and the light of my life - she's brought smiles, giggles, silliness and such happiness. Today we celebrated Alice and remembered Mum. Today was a good day, Mum and Nick must have been with us - the weather (after such a dreadful summer) was incredible, warm with a gentle breeze, we spent most of the party in the garden. Today I managed to celebrate and be thankful, the tears stayed away til this evening (I couldn't type this without tears). Mum would wish to be remembered with a smile, today I am a lot closer to being able to do that, the fate of the 12th has been changed.

Always remembered. Always loved. Always and forever.

HARD DAY AND MILESTONES

First day back at work.

I woke 20 minutes before the alarm and so I was up before 6.30am - that's very early for me!! I crept downstairs and got things going, moping up some organisational bits for work, making my packed lunch, sorting out and tidying up. Just after 7am Alice started to squirm, I stayed downstairs and she was settled again within 2 minutes.

I went back upstairs, had a leisurely shower (quite a novelty) and got dressed. Alice slept so I went downstairs for breakfast. I twiddled my thumbs for a while until M came round to look after Alice. Alice began to wake just as I was leaving - at that point I decided to let M get her up as I thought that handing her over just as she woke would be harder on her, but not cuddling her, not telling her that Mummy was going to work, not waving goodbye, not knowing how she'd be without seeing me - was all VERY hard for me.

I try to leave home things at home when I'm working, that was harder than usual today. I don't normally ring, but today I had to know that she was OK. Of course she was fine! She was obviously pleased to see me when I got home and we had a lovely evening. She had a bubble bath tonight and had wonderful fun picking up the bubbles and blowing them away.

She's changing daily, particularly her speech and singing. She's showing more and more enjoyment of songs and singing and will increasingly join in with the words (especially the last word of the line and the verse!) Tonight she sang 'Happy Birthday to Grandpa' and gave his photo a kiss. Today, as everyday, I remember him and tell Alice about him and Granny - she finds their photos and blows kisses. Granny and Grandpa would love her so much and would be so happy to hear her sing and feel her cuddles.

Over the summer Alice outgrew her sleeping bags, even though I had the next size I hung back using them. Tonight Alice tried one of the new ones - cuddly pink jersey, it looked and felt very comfy. Once she was wearing it she lay back on the changing table and pretended to sleep - but got the giggles when Mummy snored for her!! Precious times.

We had lots of kisses and cuddles this evening - to make up for this morning. She knew 'Mummy work' (I had told her last night - which made this morning a little easier), tonight as we cuddled in front of the cot she told me 'Mummy work,' so the cuddles continued a little longer while I repeated several times that I had worked today but not tomorrow and that tomorrow was a Mummy and Alice Home Day. She's very happy at home with M and I enjoy the change of pace and feel refreshed at the time apart, but equally I hate leaving her and being apart from her, even though it's good for both of us!

HOLIDAY CHANGES

16 nights away. 2 nights on the ferry, 1,000 miles travelled (or so it seemed!), 14 nights in the gite, party of 8 and then 7, lots of cheese, ham, croissants, crepes, gallettes, 0r@ng1n@ and scoops and scoops of ice cream.

The results? Loads of pounds lighter and a few heavier all at once . . . and heaps of progress from Alice - she's much more communicative, her body language has improved, her vocabulary increased and she's become a copy-cat - of words and actions!! Incredible changes, so quickly, she's changed (and grown again) in such a short space of time! And she's finally learnt to love (and ask for) ice cream!!

AU REVOIR!

The magnificent T is house and dog sitting.

We're off to France for a holiday! We're staying here with the G's.

I'm not expecting internet access so it's likely that I'll blog again sometime after I return in mid August.

TODAY'S NOTES!

Up promptly (hard after such a full day yesterday!), supermarket and then to soft play by 10am - that's an achievement any day (even without the supermarket visit!!) Lots of playing, fun times, friends, snacks and giggles before coming home for lunch with K, J, E and A - some of the family we will be with in France very soon! Simple but tasty lunch - cold meats, scrummy new potatoes in their skins, salad and coleslaw followed by Eton mess (Kate style) with strawberries and raspberries - YUM!

Alice went to bed and E and A had a quick play before saying goodbye. Alice slept for 60 minutes longer than usual - catching up from yesterday. This afternoon was a simple playtime with Shr3k 2 for our viewing pleasure - known as 'Dec' to Alice!!

Tonight C came over to tackle a craft machine - we both bought one of these over 12 months ago. Individually we've both done battle with it and failed - unusual as we're both quite techie and not frightened by crafting or technology. Tonight we tried again and WON!!

EXCITING CONVERSATION

This evening I had a lovely conversation with a fellow AP. I think we have a fair amount in common and hope that we might meet up in the near future. She's adopted from another country. She was extremely kind, informative and helpful about their process to adopt.

I've also received the CD Rom that I'd ordered about Special Needs - I have yet to use it and consider the needs that I maybe open to - although I already have a few ideas about what Alice and I can cope with.

My knowledge the adoption process in other countries is growing, my opinions are forming, I think I've reached a decision about Little Sis and I'm getting fired up and excited about her adoption journey. I'm also excited about being excited - it matters to me that Little Sis will know how much she was thought of, planned for and anticipated before her arrival - just as Alice was.