Sunday, October 12, 2008


My Mum.

Today is the 5th anniversary of her death. I find the 10th (my birthday) is usually a harder day than the 12th.

This year things were a little easier - I miss Mum every day but I've got to a point where I can't regret her death. Her death was as she would have wished - quick and unexpected, very hard for me but hopefully not for her. Mum's death was the direct stimulus to begin my adoption of Alice - I am glad to have regained a positive outlook and once again have joy in my life, thanks to Alice. I can't regret Mum's death as I wouldn't have Alice - the 2 people I love most in my life and they never knew each other. Last year should have been a little easier (for Alice's presence in my life) however a very sick dog (who I shared with Mum) made it harder again.

Mum died on a Sunday evening. This year is the first time that this anniversary had fallen on a Sunday. I purposely chose this day to have Alice baptised. I wanted to turn a day with dreadful associations into a day of celebration. We prayed for Mum and Nick at the baptism. Never a day passes without thoughts of them both.

Today I smiled. My daughter is a joy and the light of my life - she's brought smiles, giggles, silliness and such happiness. Today we celebrated Alice and remembered Mum. Today was a good day, Mum and Nick must have been with us - the weather (after such a dreadful summer) was incredible, warm with a gentle breeze, we spent most of the party in the garden. Today I managed to celebrate and be thankful, the tears stayed away til this evening (I couldn't type this without tears). Mum would wish to be remembered with a smile, today I am a lot closer to being able to do that, the fate of the 12th has been changed.

Always remembered. Always loved. Always and forever.


Amy said...

Beautiful words about your mom & daughter. I lost my mom just over a month ago. She got to go to China with us to meet Olivia in June 2007.

Shawnstribe said...

Oh Kate, what a beautiful tribute.
Ilove the photo of you and your Mum,so precious.
I'm so glad that the day went well, and the weather superb.
Now Alices birthday next : )
did you get some lil bits in the post????

Janet said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes too. I hope this sad anniversary can now become a little brighter, and that you and Alice can remember your mum/Grandma with a smile and not so many tears.
Lots of love and hugs

Rosie said...

Its so hard.I loved the photo of you and your Mum.
I find the loss of my brother far too difficult,even after 20 years have passed.We just learn to cope and my children have helped heal the pain.