2 YEARS KNOWING WHAT MY BABY LOOKS LIKE

2 years ago - a sleepless night (I had another last night!), an early start, a phone call to the sorting office at 6:30am and I was there in person before 7am to receive a brown envelope with my referral.

I went back to my car to open it privately (not that there was anyone around at that time of the morning!) Initially I felt cheated - there was only one 6x4 photo, not the 2 that I was expecting (several minutes later I found the second - precisely stapled exactly behind the first!)

Some parents gaze at their referral photos and instantly bond with their child. I didn't - firstly I was hugely relieved that she looked healthy and then I realised that she didn't look like a 'Clara'. I didn't know that I'd call her 'Alice' for another 8 weeks and 2 days.

2 years after first seeing those photos I'm deeply in love with my baby and so grateful for the opportunity that both of us have been given.

2 YEAR REFERRAL-VERSARY!

I'm never quite sure which day I should celebrate my referral - I found out that my date was the cutoff on 30th April, got confirmation of referral with very basic details (name, dob, province and after asking specifically I then found out that 'it' was a she!) on 2nd May and then 7 (long but happy) days later on 9th May I received the photos, paperwork and translation. But the 2nd of May was the day I feel had the biggest impact - the relief of final confirmation that I had a baby, the amazement that my baby was so young, the confusion about where Yunnan was (having watched and read about Chinese referrals for several years I had never heard of Yunnan), it was a very emotional day and the beginning of the best of my life.

Today I told Alice about the anniversary. We've been talking a lot about China and adoption recently, I'm not sure how much she really understands but she is beginning to parrot back my answers. Today we also 'bumped' into 1 of the other 2 girls who live in A'g who are 'adoctored' from China - she has a very similar name to Alice and is nearly 10 years older and she was one of the influential factors in my decision to adopt from China. Sometimes timings like this are too coincidental to be a coincidence.

2 WONDERFUL YEARS AGO

I woke up for the start of another normal week. I had a doctor's appointment and then I went on to aqua aerobics. The doc and my aqua friends were all aware that referral time was looming again, several people asked about the situation and I said that it could be soon but it might be another 2 or 3 months away.

It was a busy morning, I got home at noon and immediately rang my buddy 3CMum and refreshed RQ (a website for those following the Chinese Adoptive situation). C answered the phone I asked whether there was any news and as I did so RQ's leading post was that new referrals were arriving and that 1st Nov 05 was likely to be the cutoff, midway through asking C a question I blurted out . . . 'OMG I'm in!' or something like that! I could cry just remembering that lunchtime, it took 2 more days before I could confirm that I'd been referred a child and to discover that my baby was still so young and 7 days after that I finally got to look at my baby for the very first time, sitting in my car outside A'g sorting office before 7am!

The April 07 archive's here.

(Sadly that was 24 months ago and in the time since then just over 4 months more have been referred, my wait was 17 months (which was agony) but now some of those still in the queue have been waiting nearly 3 years and 2 months - my heart goes out to those people still waiting.)

CONGRATULATIONS!!

To my friend J - today she saw a photo of her newest baby for the first time. I had tears flowing down my face as I read her post of MM's referral from Ethiopia. It's all here!

REFLECTIONS ON 9th MAY

(I know that it's a bit late, we had a thunderstorm that evening and we've been busy!)

9th May - the key date in my adoption journey to Alice.

2004 - I was already waiting for a place on the adoption course and for my homestudy to begin - I'd approached SS in February that year.

2005 - my Panel date. A traumatic day. I was organised until a message to tell me to get to the venue ASAP as Panel had a problem remaining quorate at my appointment time. That Panel meeting is now infamous, it's known as 'The Crying Panel' - every set of applicants cried in front of the Panel and its external assessor!! I cried harder after being told I'd passed than when I was in front of the Panel, people kept stopping me to ask if I was OK!

2006 - waiting, papers in China, only 6 months before I'd expected referral at about this time.

2007 - the day I first saw a photo of my daughter, the day I first read all about her. A very early start - I was dressed and waiting to ring the Post Office by 6.30am (how my step-father would have loved that!) My first reactions to her photo were relief that she looked healthy then followed by the realisation that she didn't look like a 'Clara'!!

2008 - I felt a bit of a traitor but I had a last minute opportunity to have some Mummy (retail) therapy - so I went to Cardiff and abused my credit card until I couldn't carry any more bags (I missed the pushchair's bag carrying capacity).

The beginning of this month has been a time to reflect and marvel at the changes of the last 12 months. As I begin to contemplate our journey to Little Sis it's good to remember the highlights and huge success of my first adoption journey.

12 MONTHS ON

2nd May 1913 - my Granny, Jean Mitchell, was born - I think at home in Yorkshire.

2nd May 2007 - my daughter was born to me.

Remembering last year (I know I blogged about it, but it's my blog and I choose to blog about it again, it was such a special time!)

Monday 30th April, first thing - no news, no rumours, not expecting much, I went out and a couple of people asked if there was any news? I told them 'No' and that I wasn't expecting any news soon. I got home at lunchtime and simultaneously refreshed Rumour Queen and rang my buddy 3CMum (who was 6 days behind me in the queue), as I asked her what the latest was I read on-screen that my day was the cut-off, I was in, probably! What a day! From nothing to everything in the blink of an eye, without the usual rumours and speculation. I wasn't sure that I'd be included at that point - my date was included, but having sent an update the previous year it could have meant that my dossier had been moved back in the queue. Cautious relief and hope. I rang the Dfes (the UK government department that handles referrals), they knew nothing.

Tuesday 1st May - school trip to Swansea, I shouldn't have been 'working' that day, it was an extra so that I was up to speed on what the children experienced. I didn't have an easy opportunity to ring the Dfes so delayed the call to the next day - when they'd be more likely to know something?

Wednesday 2nd May - in school. The Dfes only start to answer phones at 1.30pm - the time we return to the classroom! I was able to make the call, it only took a few attempts to get through (I think!) I asked if they had my referral . . . they went to check . . . they confirmed they had a referral for me . . . I asked for details . . .they went to check . . .the tears started . . . I stood there wondering if I was dreaming (had they said they had paperwork for me? Of course, otherwise why would they go to get further answers - I was panicking and delighted all at once) . . . they came back, told me a name, date of birth and province . . . I asked if 'it' was a girl . . . 'it' was!

That day I only knew - 'An Hao Ming' 15.10.06 in Yunnan. Immediately I rang C (we shared a log in date) to find out if she knew anything, she didn't I told her my news briefly then I urged her to ring and rang off quickly. I don't remember how I found out about M&C's daughter L - they found out slightly more than me - they knew that their daughter was from Kunming CWI but also in Yunnan and was only 5 days older than my baby. It took another week for me to confirm that my baby was in the same CWI as their's - a great relief and a lovely link for the future.

Then the texting began - I had wonderful news to share but only limited detail - and I managed to tell everyone the wrong birthday!!

Later in the afternoon I spoke to 'Grandad' and 3CMum and then I had to stay on after school for extra training - instead of finishing sometime after 3.30pm I had to stay until nearly 6pm. At the time that seemed a little cruel - I wanted champagne not paperwork! I don't think I benefited from that training, unsurprisingly my head and my heart were elsewhere!!

When I finally got home D and A came to celebrate and later C brought over a Chinese takeaway.

Reflecting on the events surrounding referral, I think that my memories are already 'rose tinted' - May 2007, referral confirmed brought such relief and a new set of stresses and worries. It was wonderful to learn about my match but it also brought concerns about her health, her care whilst I continued to wait and worries about arranging travel, visas, hotels, permits etc, also worries about who was caring for her, how she would transfer to my care - all sorts of worries. But in May 2008 I can enjoy the memories of referral with the knowledge of the wonderful events that were to follow - a relatively straightforward trip to China, quick and simple handover and uneventful paperwork, all I could have asked for and yet so much more in the form of an incredible child who brings so much happiness. We are so lucky.

Meanwhile - how did we celebrate today?

Me? I got quite emotional every time I started to reflect on the changes over the last year.

Alice? In typical Alice-style, vomited! She woke, screaming at 12.30am and then vomited on me. So we visited our lovely GP this morning - Alice has tonsillitis and another course of antibiotics. I popped out after lunch and T stayed with Alice, not wanting to leave T out, Alice vomited over her too. She isn't her usual self at the moment, quick to cry and not as easy going - but still obsessed with 'oranges' (satsumas)!

SHAWN HAS HER REFERRAL!

Congratulations to all the Tribe, you just got a new daughter / little sister! We're delighted for you.

They've been very patient, it's taken nearly 23 months from LID (the official date that their dossier entered the queue). No-one knew then how long it would take. Now the wait starts a new phase, today waiting to see her face, from tomorrow waiting to complete paperwork, waiting for the CCAA to issue travel authorities, waiting to travel - but there's a little girl waiting in China and it will all be worth it, what a Christmas present!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

I checked my emails this morning and there was one from a friend (someone I met during the process), the email was sent at 3am, but she had good reason to be up - she'd just had it officially confirmed that she's made the cutoff date for the latest batch of referrals. (November referrals have got to 8th December 2005 - that's 37 days in the last 5 months.)

S and her family are IIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another baby (or 2) coming home to her family - about time too.

ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY - WITH YET ANOTHER TOMORROW!

Today - 6 months.

It's 6 months, 6 incredible months since I learnt of my baby's details.

On 30th April I learnt that my date was included - I wasn't quite sure that I'd be included as I'd sent an update to my dossier and other people who'd done the same sometimes found that they'd been moved back in the queue. I rang the Dfes but they knew (or were admitting) nothing.

Most people would have rung again the following day, but I was on a school trip to Swansea and it wasn't really convenient.

The next day I went into school and explained the situation, it was arranged that I could be released from the classroom at 1.30pm (the time we go back into class after lunch) to ring the Dfes and ask. As sometimes happens in school, plans changed and at the last minute I had to be in class with a student teacher, I was given special permission to ring from the corner(!) I wasn't in my classroom, but with the class I taught during my homestudy, in the classroom that I started in in my school. I stood in the corner watching a class do PE on the yard, I rang and got through within 5 minutes, lady went to check referrals and came back and told me I had been matched, the tears flowed, I asked for details, she went off again, I stood crying and wondering if she really had said I had a match whilst also telling myself she wouldn't have anything to check without being matched! She came back, asked me if I wanted her to spell the name, she did, relatively easy name to pronounce (phew!), then I had to ask if 'it' was a girl! She gave 'her' date of birth, I had to double check it as she was SO young. By now the tears were flowing freely, whilst the colleague outside wondered what on earth was happening. Then, for some reason, I moved around the classroom and rang C to find out if she'd asked, told her my baby was very young and the province and then got off the phone so that she could find out about her baby. After that I went to the school office - I had to tell someone about my baby!! By then I was shaking and in floods of tears with a huge grin over my face! Lots of whooping and cuddles, incredible. I didn't leave the class for long (they did have someone teaching and 2 helpers in the class) and then I sent a few texts to tell the world about my daughter - including her birthday (which I got wrong, by a day!)

I had to stay in school for a special meeting until nearly 6pm (that was really tough). Just after I got home, D arrived with a card and pressies, my first celebration. Later in the evening, C came round with a Chinese takeaway, yum.

What a day! It was made even more memorable as it was my Grandmother's birthday, she would have been 94. It felt right to find out about my family on a day that was already a special day in my family.

And a daft coincidence . . . every applicant who goes through the Dfes for Intercountry Adoption is given a reference number, 3 letters and then 4 numbers, my 3 letters were AHM - my daughter's initials.

6 MONTHS

Referrals are coming in again. It looks like the CCAA have completed applications that were logged-in during November 2005. I think that there are at least 2 UK families 'expecting' this month - congratulations!

They started referring Nov 05 in May, so it's taken 6 batches to refer 1 month's worth of applications, making the wait extend by 5 months. Ugh.

AUGUST REFERRALS

We've heard from most of the families 'expecting', lots of babies, some very young, twins and some boys, as well as 4 from Yunnan, including 1 from Alice's orphanage in Kunming. At least 1 family are still waiting for the post to arrive and my thoughts are with them during their extended waiting.

It's really been an incredible batch, 18 referrals (apparently) so at least 19 babies. Wonderful - I send big grins and heart-felt congratulations to all the 'new' families (to me every family receiving a referral is new (even if they already have children) as their family is forever changed by the new referral and so it's 'new').

Now I'm hoping that the CCAA can speed up so these larger batches of referrals into the UK can continue and waiting times will then start to reduce - double benefit, fingers crossed!

REFERRALS ARE COMING IN!

3 months after hearing Alice's details, referrals are in the air again.

For us, in the UK, in May, there were 2 families. After that, in June, were another 2 families and I don't think that there were any last month. But August, August there are 18 families that were matched in the UK, 18!! Lots of families, lots of babies. We know who's 'expecting' but we don't know details of the babies, yet, it shouldn't be too much longer. I can't wait for the good news.

In the US there have been some more referrals from Yunnan, it would be lovely if there were some in this country too. But wherever the babies' are from, they will be beautiful, long awaited and much wanted, who could ask for more?

HOW THEY CHANGE

I've just watched a lovely collage of Chinese daughters - their referral photos and then the photos after a year at home. Wonderful, very emotive. Worth watching. Click here!

IT'S ANOTHER GIRL!!

My buddy 3CMum has FINALLY heard about her referral, congratulations to C, D and the Princess - they now have a second princess in their family! Fab news, I'm so pleased for you. I've been on pins and needles for you!

Their newest addition is a few weeks older than Whatshername and comes from a province to the East of Whatshername's province. I really hope that they become good friends as 3CMum's friendship means a lot to me.

CELEBRATIONS!!

Our acceptance letters are on their way back to China!! Thanks to M and C for organising the courier - if it had been left to me I wouldn't have been at home early enough to organise Dhl for today. If I've read the messages correctly they weren't supposed to collect the package until tomorrow at 2pm but they've got it already.

When my dossier was being sent to China it was collected on a Friday lunchtime and was in Beijing by 7am (local time) on Monday morning - let's hope that the acceptance letters will get there just as speedily!!

Soon the CCAA will know that I want my daughter and have accepted her referral!!

YESTERDAY, WHAT A DAY!

. . . was incredible!

I was up at 4am - couldn't sleep. I came downstairs at 5 and started checking my email.

By 6.30 am I'd done some ironing (very unusual!) and was dressed (again extremely unusual for that time of day!) I rang the post office depot to see if they had my 'Special Delivery', they did - so I was straight in the car to go and get it - the first song I heard was 'Baby You Make Me Cry'. By 7am I had collected it, taken a picture of Simon (the Postman) holding the envelope and returned to the car! I opened the envelope. I was disappointed that there were 2 and not 3 pictures, but the pictures there were were great! She looked healthy - which was a great relief.

I drove back home and continued to check my email. By this stage I was worried that the medical translation wouldn't come through that day and I'd booked the Social Worker and the GP for the afternoon - the medical was essential! While I was waiting I posted her picture on my blog. Relief came when the email arrived at 10:15 - I skimmed it, no obvious problems, more relief! I printed out and took it straight to the GP's surgery so she could read it before the afternoon appointment. Whilst I was in Usk I called in on Mum's (and now my) friend J.

I got back home at about noon, by this stage the phone was beginning to ring with friends wanting to share their congratulations!

In the afternoon I met with my SW (social worker), she was very enthusiastic and positive. As we were talking we realised that it was the 2 year anniversary of my passing panel and being approved to be a Mum - thank heavens I didn't realise then that it would take 2 years to get this far. We talked a lot about Whatshername, the medical and what we would be called - we also examined the photos more than once!! We also chatted about the post adoption visits and the adoption process for No 2 and I learnt alot more about domestic adoption - now that China will no longer be an option I am still considering domestic for No 2, we'll see!

[I need to go and get up, I'll have to finish this later!]

IN HASTE

No email yet.

But Abergavenny Depot have my 'Special Delivery' I don't think they know just HOW special - yet!

WOKE VERY EARLY, TOO EARLY

Just after 5am after 30 minutes awake I had to come downstairs to see if the email was here. It isn't, yet. So instead I recorded my thoughts for the BBC. Now I'm shaking - and it's nothing to do with being cold!

UPDATE: 5:45 - now I'm panicking that the medical won't arrive today and I will have booked the time off work unnecessarily - which would make the running around tomorrow even more difficult to do.

OTHER BLOGGERS

. . . unsurprisingly I have been moved to tears more often in the past week than usual!

Other bloggers have been blogging about my referral and Whatshername.

I want to say thank you to them for thinking about us (Whatshername and I) and I want to list them for posterity and in case you'd like to see! Check out:
3CMum
Janet
Rosie
Thanks girls and I look forward to see you at the seminar (Rosie - are you going?) (Any other readers going?)

CATCHING POST!

I've spoken to the post office - I can collect my delivery at 6.30 tomorrow morning!

UPDATE - it may not be that straight forward. It seems like it might come via Parcelforce - it's taken me 45 minutes + to speak to the 'right' person (someone actually in the local depot) to arrange to keep the package (without tracking number). I guess that I'll find that out tomorrow at 6.30am when I'll find out if the package is in Abergavenny, if not I'll have to ring Parcelforce in Newport at 8.30am!