NEW YAHOO GROUP!

UKCA07 - for adopters in the UK and Brits abroad who adopted from China in 2007.

It's intended to be a social, chatty group used for forming connections between families and organising social events.

If you fit the criteria for membership - Brit with a child adopted from China in 2007, please come on over and join - if I know you just tell me who you are, if not please add more detail!

LANDMARK DAY OF ANNIVERSARIES

2 years.

4 months.

2 years since my dossier entered the queue in China and 4 months with Alice - I know which lot of time passed SOOOO much quicker!

We had a super day today with lots of visitors.

CP arrived just after 9am for coffee, bringing with her a MAGNIFICENT ride-on plane and shape sorter. It plays music, has flashing lights and lots of moving parts - Alice is transfixed! Thank you.

CA arrived a couple of hours later - for coffee and to meet Alice. Alice had a super time, turned on the charm and has a new fan!

M and K arrived for tea this afternoon. Alice was quite reserved (for her) when they arrived, but was soon charming them too. She also showed some attitude, testing the limits, frowning and checking to see who was watching her - funny for the first time, but it won't be so funny if she does it repeatedly!

THE KINDNESS OF VIRTUAL FRIENDS

A fellow AP contacted me this afternoon, to remind me about lactose intolerance. She was very kind in the way she phrased her reminder and the suggestions she made. I'm blogging about it to publicly thank her (thanks A) and to flag it up in the hope that it might help others in the way that it has helped us. So, thank you A - hope to meet you at CACH in March.

So, for now, Alice is off dairy products and on half strength bottles. I was extremely sceptical about whether or not she'd take the bottle half strength (but like most things, I'll try it once and see how it goes), anyway she took it with seeming to notice that there was only half the usual amount of formula.

For supper tonight - toast and jam (just a scrape) and lots of water. I gave Alice the pieces to feed herself, thank heavens it was a hair wash night! Bath time and bedtime were uneventful (I hope that I don't live to regret that statement!) I do so hope that she's on the road to recovery - it's more exhausting when Alice is poorly than when I am!

A BIRTHDAY KISS . . .

. . . from Alice? Not this year, she'll only kiss the air!

Today I'm halfway to 70. I used to love my birthday but 4 years ago, 2 days after my birthday, my Mum died very suddenly, ever since then I've found my birthday a very difficult day to get through, I hoped that this year (with Alice in my arms) it might be different, unfortunately she couldn't take away the pain. I don't think my birthday will be the same again. I've cried more tears for my Mum today than in all the days since Alice came home, it's hard on a day like today.

Alice had more inoculations on Monday, she felt the effects today - she's been clingy and whingy (not just when I left her). By teatime she had a temperature, so she had some of the wonderful pink medicine, within 30 minutes the usual Alice was back, now I feel guilty that I hadn't realised earlier that she must have been feeling so rotten - T missed it too!

So how did I spend my 35th birthday? A slow morning with a surprise visit from a friend, followed by aqua (thanks for the serenade girls!), an afternoon being pampered and supper with N. Lots of phone messages and a few cards from people who delivered them - I had post but no cards (I wouldn't have thought about sending a card early last week either, so apologies to L [1 today xxx], C [34 tomorrow] and J [35 on Saturday] as your cards will be late too!!

Just to add to the events of the week - I've just heard that my friend K (who we visited on our way up to W and J) had a baby girl at lunchtime, a planned C-section and (even though she wouldn't share the planned date) I had a feeling it might be today. Delighted, a little girl to add to a lovely family - what a great ending to the day!

NEW BLOGS!

I read lots of blogs - mostly adoption, mostly foreign. Not many UK adopters blog, but 2 friends have started recently!

E at 3 Motherlands and Kirsten at Kirsten's Family Life - not much point resorting to intials when her name's in the title!!

If there are any other bloggers out there who want a mention or a link then please leave me a comment and if there are any other APs or PAPs (especially those in Britain!) considering blogging I'd say give it a try, it's a great way of gaining support, friends and educating others.

CHANCE MEETING IN A SUPERMARKET!

I met one of my aqua aerobics instructors in a supermarket this morning, she's had a very bad back and so I haven't seen her for a while. She was delighted to meet Alice and I was just as pleased to meet her little girl O. As she's been off work for a while she didn't know that I'd had referral, so we had a lot to catch up on! As we parted she passed comment, "I think that little girl is going to be spoilt." (said with a broad grin and a twinkle in her eye!)

My response was, "What do you mean, going to be?!"

COMMENTS

Thank you for all your comments, it 's lovely to know that family and friends old and new are following this incredible journey. I will use this blog as a diary for A - so she will know the depth of feeling and emotion that support us in this amazing journey.

LOOKING AFTER WHATSHERNAME - A REMINDER!

This is SO important that I'm repeating an earlier post.

By the time we meet she will be 8 and a half months old. I will be her 5th main care giver in a little over 8 months - first were her birth parents, then the orphanage workers, then her foster parents, then the orphanage workers again and finally me. She won't understand that I will be permanent. She will have been abandoned 4 times. She needs to learn that I'm Mummy, I'm forever and I'll always look after her - difficult concepts at any time but especially when you're as little as she will be.

So I have to do all that I can to help her learn that I'm her Mum and what mummies are all about. I've been to several seminars about attachment, how important it is and how to do all that I can to help Whatshername 'attach' to me. But it's not just about 'us', Whatshername and me, it's about our friends and family too - because it has implications for everyone who will be around us in the first months at home, they're not all the most pleasant - but please remember that this is about Whatshername and it's in her best interests.

She has to learn that I will always be there and will meet her needs (many babies actually have to unlearn being independent and learn how to be a baby and let Mummy look after them). This means that I have to be the one to meet all her needs - feed her, bathe her, change her nappy, hold her.

I know that you've been waiting for her too. I know that you really want to get to know her. I know that you want to love her and for her to love you. All of these things will happen, but Whatshername needs to learn about me first. Until she understands Mummy, she won't be able to understand about friends and family.

It's not about being selfish, it's about being her Mum and knowing what's best for her. I know that some of you won't understand and think that I'm being over-protective but an adopted child has different needs to a child who has always been in the same loving, stable environment. Some of you may think that I'm molly-coddling or babying her - but I will be doing what the adoption experts recommend is best for Whatshername.

What it means for my friends and family is that you won't be able to hold her for a while. I don't know how long, it depends how Whatshername reacts and how quickly she attaches. You will be able to meet her, touch her, talk to her and play with her but not hold her, yet. It may just be for a month or two, but it maybe six months or more.

Once we are home and over the jet-lag I need to get her into a routine - part of this will be keeping life simple for a while. For an adopted infant it is very easy to become hyper-stimulated and then the brain shuts-off and bonding and learning is put on hold. So I need to keep life simple, that means keeping home the same, staying home and doing the same things day after day, keeping things calm and predictable.

She may reach out for you, make good eye contact etc - this won't necessarily mean that she's securely attached to me. She may cry every time I leave her sight - again it wouldn't mean she was healthily attached. Babies learn to survive whatever way they can and by 6 months old they can react to different situations to protect their interests - remember that the 'charming' and 'easy' baby in the orphanage may have been held for longer, or fed first - babies adapt. Because they adapt, she may not have attachment issues - but I will treat her in this way until we know otherwise.

Remember I've been waiting for her for so long, but she hasn't been waiting for me, she won't understand what is going on - she may grieve for a while, she may be angry, she's bound to be frightened and confused - this means I have to be quick to meet her needs, I have to be consistent in meeting her needs - she needs to learn to trust me and to understand that I will always be there.

Please remember this is not about you, or me, it's about Whatshername and what's best for her. It won't be easy for me either, but it's incredibly important and I need your help to look after Whatshername.

EMOTIONS RUNNING HIGH

Meeting up and having final conversations with friends before travelling, talking about Whatshername and thinking about life changing in such a huge way. Knowing our friendships will never be quite the same again.

LOVELY EVENING - SHAME ABOUT THE COMPANY!!

I went out with good friends for a Chinese.

The evening started well. The food was good.

But it was tainted by the company - at an adjoining table, a former close friend. Spoilt it a bit!

IT'S ANOTHER GIRL!!

My buddy 3CMum has FINALLY heard about her referral, congratulations to C, D and the Princess - they now have a second princess in their family! Fab news, I'm so pleased for you. I've been on pins and needles for you!

Their newest addition is a few weeks older than Whatshername and comes from a province to the East of Whatshername's province. I really hope that they become good friends as 3CMum's friendship means a lot to me.

A COMMENT THAT DESERVES ITS OWN POST!

A message from my buddy S - a fellow prospective adoptive parent, but she's better qualified than me, with 4 almost grown birth children and a beautiful God-daughter (I think?) from China!

You go girl, what a great idea to put this on your blog....no matter how you tell friends and family these things there is always someone who takes the umphhh...
Parenting an adopted child who has had other primary carers is different to parenting biological kiddies....
you are so on the right track....
She is yours and you will be a forever beautiful family!!!!YAY
blessings and more blessings to you,
all our support and bestest wishes
love
s

Thanks S - your agreement and support means a lot to me! x

VERY BELATED THANKS, PART 2

To J - she bought lots of beautiful things, outfits for Whatshername and things for me too - extremely generous.

This dress is coming to China, it's beautiful, so soft, pink and patchwork - all my favourites!

















I loved it the moment I saw it, then this weekend I discovered the frilly bits!!

(and there's more from J - when I've taken more photos!!)

VERY BELATED THANKS, PART 1

To C - she bought Whatshername some beautiful PJs in 12 months (so they'll be great for the autumn). Thank you, I can't wait for Whatshername to be tucked up in her bed wearing them! x

(And I can't wait to be buying something for the P and her little sis!)

LAST WEEKEND

Last weekend I met up with fellow IAers at a seminar. It was lovely to catch up with them!

I showed Whathersname's photos to anyone who happened to stand still for 5 seconds - some people even recognised me because I had her photo!!

It was especially great to meet up with M and C (whose daughter L is in the same CWI as Whatshername) (we will be travelling together), C (who'll get her referral in a couple of weeks) and J (who's still battling paperwork).

THE VERDICT

I think Matt was nervous and my impression of Rana Tamsay has gone down even further - I think she was threatened by Matt and took every opportunity to talk over him or correct him, ugh.

I want to see another week - when Matt's with someone human!

NEW VENTURE

Well he didn't do so well on the Great British Menu, but he's in a new series tonight on UK TV Food at 8pm, it's called something like 'Market Traders'.

We talked about the Great British Menu at our school training day - and came firmly into 2 camps - those who were p*ssed off they missed it (should read the blog then shouldn't they!) and those who were disappointed he lost! Pity it wasn't a show with a public vote, the outcome may have been quite different!!

You know where I'll be at 8pm.