NEVER FORGOTTEN

My Mum.

Today is the 5th anniversary of her death. I find the 10th (my birthday) is usually a harder day than the 12th.

This year things were a little easier - I miss Mum every day but I've got to a point where I can't regret her death. Her death was as she would have wished - quick and unexpected, very hard for me but hopefully not for her. Mum's death was the direct stimulus to begin my adoption of Alice - I am glad to have regained a positive outlook and once again have joy in my life, thanks to Alice. I can't regret Mum's death as I wouldn't have Alice - the 2 people I love most in my life and they never knew each other. Last year should have been a little easier (for Alice's presence in my life) however a very sick dog (who I shared with Mum) made it harder again.

Mum died on a Sunday evening. This year is the first time that this anniversary had fallen on a Sunday. I purposely chose this day to have Alice baptised. I wanted to turn a day with dreadful associations into a day of celebration. We prayed for Mum and Nick at the baptism. Never a day passes without thoughts of them both.

Today I smiled. My daughter is a joy and the light of my life - she's brought smiles, giggles, silliness and such happiness. Today we celebrated Alice and remembered Mum. Today was a good day, Mum and Nick must have been with us - the weather (after such a dreadful summer) was incredible, warm with a gentle breeze, we spent most of the party in the garden. Today I managed to celebrate and be thankful, the tears stayed away til this evening (I couldn't type this without tears). Mum would wish to be remembered with a smile, today I am a lot closer to being able to do that, the fate of the 12th has been changed.

Always remembered. Always loved. Always and forever.