SURVIVING

Really busy . . . really tired . . . really tired . . . got that?

Alice has NASTY chest and ear infections. There's been a lot of vomit this week - Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights. She hasn't got a vomiting bug, it's just a reflection on how poorly she's been. Monday night was the worst, she cried, I ran, I picked her up to comfort, she couldn't settle, within a minute or two she'd vomited all over both of us, all her supper, everywhere. She actually settled down again really quickly (all things considered) but woke as I went to bed at 1am (Photo*box Christmas order!) I couldn't do anything to reassure her, she wanted me, she wanted to be in my bed, she wanted me but I wasn't allowed to touch her as she howled - the hardest part of being a Mummy, not being able to help your child as you watch them suffer. She howled again at 3am and 5am, it was the worst night I've ever had with her, one of the most traumatic too.

A measure of how poorly she's been this week is that we haven't done any of our usual activities. By Wednesday night I was in a quandary - Alice was due to start at nursery on Thursday, I wanted her to go as there would only be 3 sessions before Christmas and the 2 week holiday break, but I wanted her to be well enough to enjoy it and not to distress her when she was already poorly. Eventually I decided that if we were vomit free through the night then I'd start her this week. NO VOMIT, NURSERY HERE WE COME! But as I'd been undecided that led me to another dilemma, I hadn't prepared her by talking it through (recently, we done the talking after the visit at half term but that was 5 weeks ago) - I hadn't wanted to talk it through in case she wasn't well enough.

I was a nervous wreck, so worried about leaving her there and her thinking that I'd left her for good - reinstitutionalising a child who's been in an institution for many months is a very different issue than simply taking a child to nursery. I was worried for nothing - she'd left me to follow her buddy A (I had planned that Alice would go to the same nursery as A on a day when A is there, if I couldn't be with her at least she'd have a friendly face around!) Before we'd crossed the room to the coat racks (Alice's peg has an umbrella label and there's no coincidence that it's next to A's, great planning by nursery, not so great by the mummies who both bought the same coat and the girls share the same initials!!) I chatted briefly with the room leader and then said a quick 'Bye!' with a kiss and walked out the door. I spent the morning in school, just round the corner from nursery, killing time til pickup. Alice came out calmly with a big grin on her face and ran into my arms, lovely! They reported all the things she'd done - apparently she'd taken part in lots of things and thoroughly enjoyed them all - sand, water, fruit at break time, watching Joseff the rabbit and she'd made 2 wonderful Christmas tree decorations - a blue Christmas tree covered in red glitter and a yellow stocking covered in multi colours of glitter. All that playing, lots of small people to play with, paint, glue and glitter? Alice's idea of ecstasy!!

She hasn't said too much about it, if I ask about the rabbit I get 'Ssshh!'ed - I think they're encouraged to be quiet around him. She did so well that next week she's staying for lunch too.

My baby's growing up already, it's hard but it's so much fun too!