Sunday, October 11, 2009



Alice said I was '3 too!' The cake had 'fork handles' (think 2 Ronnies) on it but 21 written on it. None of them were right, all too small and all made me laugh.

At times I did wonder whose birthday it was. We spent the morning at soft play with one of Alice's best friends and then went to her other best friend's house for tea in the afternoon! Then last night I went out for supper with GFN - Alice knew that I was going out but I daren't tell her who I was going with (after the grief I got following the pub lunch several weeks ago). Luckily she'll be seeing him this week.

I'm beginning to notice a pattern with sleep on the nights that I'm out for the evening. She went to bed at usual time, she was tired but not exhausted, she was crying before we left so I went up and resettled her (but it wasn't as easy as it usually is). When we got back I could see the visual monitor from the car and it was easy to see that she wasn't asleep or settled, so I went straight up to her and the moment she realised it was me she relaxed and snuggled down. She woke again as I went to bed and with all the disturbance of the evening I offered my bed, she accepted immediately (the night before she'd declined) and when she came into bed she demanded a cuddle and tried to sleep holding my hand and snuggled up to me. I don't think that there was any coincidence that she needed physical reassurance last night - which leaves me with very mixed emotions, sad that she still needs that level of reassurance but relieved that I can provide that reassurance.

A final note about my birthday - since Mum's death I've always struggled on my birthday, this year was significantly better, now I've got to get through the 12th.


Anonymous said...

Bless you Kate. I will make sure I light a candle for your Mum tomorrow. My Dad is also very unwell and I am saying all the things that need to be said and done while we still have him.
I wish you comfort and peaceful memories among the inevitable sadness. You are doing such a great job as Alice's Mummy that it is easy to see your own Mum must have been sterling with you.

Shawnstribe said...

Happy Birthday Kate and i'm so so glad you have your precious Alice with you.
Thinking of you today, and lookingforward to seeing you guys soon.
Alice must be very excited about her birthday!!!!