MOTHERING SUNDAY FOR ME

It's Mothering Sunday again.

Not a difficult day - but some sad thoughts, memories of Mum and thoughts of last year.

Last year I was positive, I remember a close and caring friend rang me in the evening to tell me she was thinking of me, it must be a difficult time but to remember it would be the last year feeling like this - she had the best of intentions and I shared her view.

We were wrong, 1 year on I'm still waiting.

The hardest thought about today is a thought that I'm having everyday at the moment. As I near the end of the wait I can be more sure that my child has already been born, already abandoned and every day I wait means that my child is not in their final home - either if in a SWI they are missing the loving care of a family, or if in foster care they are strengthening bonds that will be painfully broken in the months to come. Either scenario is not a pleasant thought.

One of the painful things to come is that my child is not waiting for me and in adopting them I will be creating more pain - hopefully only for a short time and hopefully to be overcome for a happy life together.

As the protracted wait continues my adoption plans seem less real - theoretically it is about to happen but I've now waited so long that I don't believe it can really happen. Please don't misunderstand me - I REALLY want this to happen, but every time I get close something else delays it again - I almost daren't hope that I may be close to the end, it might be tempting fate.

To Whatshername or Jonathan - know that you are loved now and know that I am ready to see your face, hold your hand, comfort you, experience life with you, nuture you and love you forever - today and everyday.