Wednesday, September 17, 2008

ADJUSTING

How are we today?

Alice - fine, didn't look for Daisy. It's not surprising, Daisy had withdrawn from us, she was wary of Alice as she moved to quickly and Daff's eyesight was iffy unless upclose.

Boo and Fuss - seem unaffected, but again Daisy wasn't really interacting. The little dogs are almost always near me if not on me and they seem more affectionate (or is it me being more receptive?) Someone peed on the blue dogbed in the dog room, probably asserting ownership as it had been D's bed.

Me - I've had a headache most of the day and this afternoon I realised my teeth were aching too as my jaw was clenched. I feel fragile. The house seems quiet, it's too quick to feed the dogs without putting out 2 scoops in the big bowl. Her's bowls been put away, her collar too. But there are some benefits - I'm not checking for accidents all the time, the dog room is less cluttered without the blue cushion bed (now there'll be space for the photocopier again) and moving dogs (like putting them to bed) is quicker and quieter (no shouting and encouraging her to bed). I hadn't realised how much I was worring about her. I know it was the right decision. I feel guilty too - I'm finding this hard whilst others are fighting cancer or facing huge challenges compared to mine, I've been through far worse too but then again she was an important part of everyday life and a link to Mum.

1 comment:

Three Motherlands said...

Dear Kate:

Missing Daisy IS a very big milestone in your world, and you are right (deserving?) to devote so much thought about her as part of your life.

I think it's wonderful that you are blogging about Daisy and your feelings and how your world is adjusting now that she's off 'somewhere else'. AND her presence was (is) huge, especially the connection she always will have with your mum.

This is a BIG trauma for you and I admire how you are embracing it all.

Sorry if this isn't coming across as gracefully as I intended. It's just that what you are experiencing really touches me deeply. And I truly believe that whenever we share something this big, this important and this significant in our lives, we somehow help others to cope with whatever they might be facing in life.

Holding you in my heart,
Ellen xx