Tuesday, November 04, 2008


Whilst talking to C tonight I realised that I've had more disturbed nights sleep in the past month than in the rest of the time that Alice has been home all put together.

Saturday night - I forgot to give Alice a dummy at bedtime. She shouted for it ('Dummin' or 'Doedoe' are the current names) but didn't get it herself - even though she can reach it! So that started the disturbances. We had an evening of power cuts, so many that I lost count. Generally the power did stay off for more than a minute or two, but every time it went off with a thump and being in the countryside it really is dark without electricity. Every time the power returned I could hear Alice crying loudly. After several instances I decided to grab a tray of bits for supper and retire to comfort her. By 9pm the power cuts had ceased but Alice was still jittery, she ended up staying in my bed for the night.

I can't remember what happened on Sunday but Alice ended up in my bed, again. Last night I woke in a cold sweat just before 2am, later in the night Alice cried out again (we had already had the staying in her cot conversation before bedtime), halfway back to my bed with Alice in my arms I realised what I was doing but it was too late, she spent the rest of the night in my bed and I got some sleep.

This is one of those aspects that is an extra challenge to a single parent, there is no respite. Every day I get more tired from another interrupted night. Each day my resolved strengthens to support her to stay in her cot all night. Each night, befuddled by sleep, I forget my resolve. Then I remember how quickly time is passing and how much she is changing and I snuggle down to relish this time while I still can, I'll try and sleep when she's grown and I'm trying not to worry about where she is and what she's doing.

I'm not complaining and I wouldn't change a moment of it, zzzzzzzzzzzz.

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