Friday, February 13, 2009


As soon as I mentioned nursery yesterday Alice changed the subject, said, 'No!', or cried.

When we got to the car she demanded 'Soft Play,' and when we arrived at nursery she started to cry as I got her out of the car. We were on-time but nursery were late opening the doors, we had to wait in the entrance hall, meltdown happened and she wouldn't stop crying (but she did calm down with a cuddle). By the time I tried to take her coat off in the room she was near hysterical. I did all the usual things to calm her and we found 'Flat Dog' (thanks C!) but even he didn't help. Eventually I left as they tried to distract her with 'cooking' (icing biscuits) but I could hear her howl as I walked away.

It was really upsetting (and a controversial action - to leave a crying child who's already experienced being abandoned), but I waited outside, close to tears and shakey until several friends (dropping their children in the same room) confirmed that she had calmed down. I had a busy day which would have been quite satisfying if I hadn't been so bothered about Alice all day. When I went to collect her she was engrossed in drawing and behaving as normal. She was very pleased to see me as she has been every week.


Three Motherlands said...

Hi Kate:

Just a bit of reassurance (hopefully)! I had the exact same experience with Cowgirl in the early days of leaving her at nursery. I stayed with her often for the first few weeks, and the day came when I felt she was 'ready'. Well, she went hysterical, which caught me a little by surprise after all the pre-work we did. Like you, I waited outside the door, though I was in complete tears, sobbing myself. Within minutes I could hear that she had calmed down to the point where she began to play.

'I', however, took much longer to calm down from those agonizing moments hearing her scream!

Something intuitively told me that she needed to express that and that she also needed to test the whole 'mummy comes back' theory. Cowgirl didn't settle easily at nursery for a good 6 months, and now after just over a year, she usually goes in happily, but quietly. I can see from the window, though, that she very quickly becomes her cheeky self. So I know that the 'separation' is sometimes always difficult for some children, but it doesn't mean that they don't want to actually 'go'.

I think that most parents feel the stress of leaving a crying child, but those of us with adopted children feel an extra level of concern because of our children's gackgrounds and early experiences.

I suspect that Alice will have some days when she won't separate easily and may even 'plead' with you not to go. Hold fast to the fact that she loves it once she's able to refocus without you in the picture.

And I hope that it gets a little easier for you to leave and go about your day when those separations are difficult.

Tugging at the heartstrings! Our 'little treasures' are masters at that, arent' they?!?!

Ellen xxx

delucchi family said...

I remember the stress of that too. Hang on in there, it does get better.
Love Jules