BACK TO NORMAL, EVERYDAY LIFE

Swimming class this morning, the 4th of 10 but only our 2nd. Alice swam underwater 3 times. She hung on to me quite tightly at times but was happy to splash us both. A good time and great for bonding.

We stayed in the water to meet D and A and then went to the cafe for lunch together.

I'd hoped to go to school's Harvest Festival this afternoon, however Alice needed a good lunchtime snooze - so plans were scrapped.

This afternoon we had quite playtime at home. Alice was quite clingy and the whinges grew through the afternoon. Her new duvet arrived this afternoon and she's trying it tonight for the first time.

KISSING

Alice can puker-up beautifully, but doesn't 'connect' for a kiss. She can also make a kissy sound. The kissy face and the kissy sound aren't the same look at all.

She's always made the kissy face. The kissy sound was new about a week ago. I've been trying to get her to blow kisses, she just collapses in giggles! Meanwhile she'll receive kisses but not give them. I don't think that she sees enough people kissing without being involved.

FAVOURITE PHOTO OF 'THE DAY'

AFTER THE PARTY

The dress was still respectable, so to save from last minute marks, the magnificant T took it off!! Alice was quite happy to play in tights and nappy.

PARTY GUESTS

ALICE IS 1 TODAY!

Alice woke up smiling - as usual, but quite early! Bottle in Mummy's bed as usual before wearing her dungarees that GMA brought back from her summer hols in Florida. I only put her in them today to see how they fitted, size 18 months - perfect, I still can't believe how she's growing!! Then we went downstairs for Alice's breakfast - she loves scrambled eggs and this morning's eggs were from GMJ, delicious!

We went off to Waitrose for some last minute party essentials before coming home for a few cards and pressies and some time to play with Mum.

Alice had her favourite for lunch - Mummy's homemade roast chicken gunk with 7 veggies followed by fromage frais. Unusually she went to sleep almost immediately when I put her down after lunch but only snoozed for 70 minutes or so. (Meanwhile I dashed round like a mad thing, making sandwiches, cooking sausages, peeling veggies (to have with dip), etc!)

Our first party guests arrived early as they had to leave early - it was lovely to see them and getting here early meant that we had some quiet time with them over a cuppa, super!! Lots of visitors and loads of pressies, stacks of food and masses of cups of tea and coffee, a lovely afternoon - thank you to everyone who came, it was great to see you and to celebrate Alice's birthday with you.

Alice has now decided that she does like jelly (but she prefers orange to red, just like Mum and Grandma!) and she does like ice cream, satsumas are still her favourite though. She ate her tea with the usual gusto, trying cheesy puffs, midget gems, party rings and sausages. She wasn't so sure with what to do with the candles on her birthday cake - so E, A and Mummy let some puff.

She went to bed nearly an hour late, but played very happily until 5 minutes before going upstairs. She was so tired that she was asleep before I could turn her mobile on and she's stayed in the exact same position as I put her down which is very unusual. Not a murmur since, bless her. Another lovely day, we are so lucky.

Photo 1 - kissy face at breakfast.
Photo 2 - examining her 1st birthday badge at lunchtime.
Photo 3 - in her party frock, playing with the wrapping!
Photo 4 - with her cake, with Alice candles.

PHOTOS

Whilst writing the posts about Alice over recent months I've had to review the photos for each month and I've realised that initially Alice always smiled when the camera was produced, but now it's getting trickier to get her to look at the lens.

Also, this afternoon, she came into the study while I was talking on the telephone, the computer's screen saver had activated so it was scrolling through my favourite photos - unsurprisingly Alice features heavily in this selection, whenever her photo came onto the screen she beamed at it!!

ALICE - SEPTEMBER 2007

The most memorable changes in September 2007 were Alice finally becoming properly mobile (crawling forwards) and a lot more vocal! She managed to pull herself up to standing, she was very keen to walk whilst holding hands and loves to bounce if you hold her under her arms. More teeth!

She had her first and second trips away from home, both up to stay with Uncle W and Auntie J. She was VERY pleased to come home, especially after the second trip. She also met alot of Mummy's friends in September.

New toys - baby walker (but she stays still in it!) and baby bouncer (where she definitely doesn't stay still!)

1sts - going to creche, music sessions (loved it!), learnt to take medicines from a spoon, celebrating Mid Autumn Festival.
1sts (with Mummy) - inoculations (Ow!), chest infection with antibiotics.

ALICE - AUGUST 2007

August 2007 was our first full month at home together, already Alice was changing so quickly. Her core body stability improved a lot - she was much less wobbly, able to push herself back up, able to twist without loosing her balance, she began to pull herself up to standing, she held her arms up to be picked up, she'd give me cuddled me as I lifted her up from her cot, she put her rolling together to go over and over to move around the room and she learnt her name! She also started standing while just holding onto a prop not a person, including several seconds free standing. She also started crawling - backwards! 3 more teeth broke through in August.

She became much more adventurous with food, though not fond of Mummy's homemade things to begin with, she was eating an increasing variety of foods at any temperature and lots of fruit. We went swimming for the first time - Alice adored being in the water, splashed and kicked like a pro! In August I became aware of the extent of Alice's TV addiction - let's just say it's the cheapest form of childcare I know!

1sts in August - babbling sounds, clapping, waving.
1sts (with Mummy) - hair cut, swimming, vomit (lots of it, several times, ugh!), playing in the playpen filled with play balls.

ALICE - JULY 2007

I met Alice on the 1st July this year.

She was a good size, had 2 teeth (on the bottom), sticky up hair and the end of a heavy cold. She could stay sitting up when put in a sitting position, but couldn't push herself back up if she keeled over. She could roll over, but always rolled back to where she started (maybe she learnt to roll over in her cot - where there was no room to keep going?) She liked to stand up, holding hands for support. She was extremely calm, she didn't cry when I met her or held her, she sat on my lap (facing me) and reached up to smooth her hands down my face while I tried hard (and for once succeeded) not to cry (trying not to unsettle her any further). That first day I did make her cry (not just aloud but with real tears) - moving her biscuit from one hand to the other. She would only take one type of food at any mealtime and wouldn't mix textures - this changed very quickly once we came home. She got her third tooth on Adoption Day and the 4th came through before the end of the month.

When we came home she settled in so quickly. She was terrified (went rigid and screamed) when she saw the dogs, yet within 5 minutes she was straining to reach out and touch them. She adapted quickly to many new situations with very little fear though she did look to me for my reaction, especially when new people came into our home.

From our first days together she has shown herself to be a thrill-seeker - loving it when the pushchair went over bumpy ground, squealing with joy when pretending to be dropped, smiling on the swing but only laughing when it goes through at least 180 degrees.

Her favourite things - soft toys, dogs.

Her favourite foods - most things but especially fromage frais.

1sts in July 2007 - 1st month with Mummy, 1st time on an aeroplane.
1sts (with Mummy) in July 2007 - meeting dogs, going home, going to parties, cutting teeth, playing on the swings,.

MY BABY

My Mum always used to refer to me as "My Baby!" I took exception to this and objected strongly. As a fully grown woman, a teacher with a class of my own, I wasn't a baby.

Tonight I put Baby Alice to bed for the last time. Tomorrow My Alice will get up, a (big) little girl, but she will ALWAYS be "My Baby!"

Now I understand. Love you Mum, wish you were here - I'd never object to you calling me that again. Love My Baby too.

COMMENTS NEEDING COMMENTS!

Sarah commented that she recognised the pile of post and was as bad as me when she got back from China, unfortunately I think that I'm probably even worse, the post was this bad before I was a Mum!!

MY KITCHEN!

I've been tagged by 3CMum - 8 things about my kitchen. (Reading back through the links about this Meme I think it's evolving with each link - I've chosen 8 photos of things that I'm prepared to reveal! Please bear/bare in mind that we had a birthday party yesterday and another tomorrow!!)

I thought that I'd better start with a general view of the kitchen. My parents converted this barn and outbuildings 17 years ago, the kitchen is in what was originally a stable, the manger was where the single glass door to the garden is now. Mum gave herself a project after my step-father's death, she decided to knock the kitchen and utility rooms together to make a better entertaining space. It's a great space in this house, loads of storage, but it still frustrates me, the triangle of kitchen basics (fridge, cooker and sink) aren't in the essential triangle but a straight line - that means you can walk miles preparing a meal! (Note, I had my back to the worst of the mess, I'm not revealing all!!)

Item 1 - the laminate floor, what a disaster! The dogs, Daisy most of all, hate to walk on it. It was an new system when it was installed, which doesn't work and now moves to create gaps between the boards, so nearly daily I have to stamp the gaps down the kitchen, also I can feel it move when I walk across it. Really it needs replacing but I don't know what to replace it with and don't want to spend more money on it. (Notice how all the dogs are around, that's happened more often in the last 2 days, though they're never that far away!)

Item 2 - bug zapper. The bulb's gone and it didn't work well to start with. Living close to the river we get a lot of bugs in at night (especially when Daisy lets herself in and leaves the door open!)












Item 3 - bread bits, the toaster and the bread maker. I love homemade bread, it takes the strain out of planning part of the shopping, I keep my cupboard well-stocked with the ingredients and I'm only ever 5 hours away from a fresh loaf, especially useful when I've got guests staying and at Christmas time when I find keep the house stocked with fresh things especially challenging!

Item 4 - the egg basket, that contains no eggs!! It should be called 'the basket next to the eggs', originally Mum kept eggs in it, now it's full of useful bits that would otherwise be homeless - the bit that fell off Alice's pushchair in China, my pills, receipts, pens without lids, all sorts!

Item 5 - Alice's exersaucer / activity thingy. Alice loves it, it gives me time to unload the dishwasher and sort the laundry. I love the fact that there are reminders of Alice's presence in our home.

Item 6 - the pile of post by the yard door, the first resting place when I come in. I hate opening post (not the cards and jolly things) so it sits here for a while and periodically I have a blitz. Nearly as much as I hate opening the post, I hate this pile(s).

Item 7 - the shelves. Our old dining room dresser was supposed to go here, but it was half an inch too wide, so Mum had more cupboards put in instead. The bottom shelf has evolved into my most frequently used cookery books, the clock I bought Mum from the Jersey Pottery (our family history is represented through the purchases from JP and no visit to Jersey is complete without a visit to the JP, already planning Alice's first visit for next spring!) The top shelf is more or less the way Mum had it. One of my most treasured possessions is in the background - the old family law firm's original brass sign, that was one of the few things of my Mum's that I coveted and now it always makes me smile. All the navy and white china was Mum's too and always reminds me of her.

Item 8 - a door! This kitchen has lots of them, not just the 24 cupboard doors. This door leads to the yard door, but there's also the door to the study, the door to the dog / utility room, 3 doors to the garden and a square 'archway' to the sitting room!

I've spent hours trying to get the photos and text lined up, I'm giving up now!

Finally - I tag Janet and any reader in the UK with a blog who feels like revealing their personality through their kitchen!!

CHINESE 1ST BIRTHDAY TRADITION

Traditionally the Chinese have some fun predicting a child's future on their 1st birthday, they place items in a semi-circle in front of their child. Each item symbolizes a particular career
brush or paints/artist,
cooking item/chef,
comb/hairdresser,
calculator/accountant,
book/librarian
pen/writer

The child is in the centre facing the semi-circle of items. According to Chinese culture, the item that the child is drawn to gives a clue as to the career/vocation the child might pursue (or is destined to pursue?)

So now I'd like some help and comments please - what other items (with what symbolism) would you include?

HAIR

We both had our hair cut on Thursday, because Alice's hair had 'fallen down' she needed to have her fringe cut, not because I wanted her to have a fringe but because that's the way it was falling and it was shorter at her temples and longer in the middle of her forehead. So they had to cut it quite short, it was necessary but brutal and the final irony - to even it up with the way it was now falling they had to cut off just enough that it's now standing up again!!

The first photo is from Thursday, post cut but pre-wash (Alice is eating her new favourite food, satsumas - she gets more like her Mum every day)! The second photo is from Friday morning, having had her hair washed before going to bed the night before, some days I think I should have called her Elvis!

A FEW MORE PARTY PHOTOS!

Lots of fun.

Thanks are also due to all those who took the time to comment and help me find a special dress for the party! I love this outfit and think that Alice looks really super in this bright pinky red, hopefully it will still fit for Christmas (I'm not so sure!) as it needs to be worn a good few times - I'll leave you to imagine why (clue - it came from M0nsoon)!!

You've probably noticed that someone else is in nearly every photo with Alice - Pickles Bunny! A smaller Pickles came to meet Alice in China, Alice adores soft toys but Pickles is her favourite 'cuddly'. Children from institutions usually don't like cuddlies, not having had them in the institutions as they are not hygienic with large groups of children. In many aspects of her life and routine, Alice shows signs of institutionalisation (she has a firm routine, she drinks continuously from her bottle until she's had enough, good sleeper, rarely complains, etc) but not with cuddlies, she adores them and has done since the day we met. If you dance a cuddly towards her, she will curl her body over it in a huge hug when it gets to her, pure love!

THE FIRST PARTY

I felt so awful yesterday that I regretted having organised today, but the reality was fab - better than I could possibly have hoped.

Alice has been thoroughly spoilt with lots of super pressies - a fabric Noah's Ark, musical instruments, bath toys, a towelling poncho, pots of bubbles, several lovely books (her absolute favourite), Duplo, peg jigsaw and even a noisy tool bench (I was chuffed that she received what some may consider to be a 'boys' toy!) The pressies were very generous and Alice will have lots of fun with them, but what makes me most happy is that everyone who was here today managed to buy wonderful things for her that she'll really enjoy and it's the care and thought that created these gifts that warms my heart. Thank you for all her lovely pressies.

I took the easiest options for preparing the party tea, buying lots of ready made goodies and nostalgic party foods. (This menu will be repeated on Monday, so if you're coming then tea might be familiar!) We had guacamole with bread sticks and veggies, sausages, mini spring rolls, vegetable crisps, cheesy puffs, sweet tarts, party ring biscuits, happy face biscuits, midget gems, shortbread and a pile of fairy cakes (not quite so impressive as the Salsa Twins monkey faces). The fairy cakes were quite an achievement, I know that they don't look that impressive, but they survived my oven (the thermostat's gone so that's a milestone) last night, but I managed to ice and decorate them this morning with Alice at my feet (the biggest challenge of single parenthood so far)!! One God-father stated it wasn't a proper party without jelly and ice-cream, luckily both were ready for 'afters', unfortunately the jelly was child-friendly and contained not even a drop of vodka! The magnificent T also surprised me with a birthday cake, thank you.

The candles are all significant, 4 around the 'Pile' - 1 each for Grandma and Grandpa (sitting on the stars) and for her birth parents in China, all very important people in Alice's life but at the same time they're strangers. The 'crayon' candle is for Alice's 1st year, the crayon candles were bought 4 years ago by Grandma, for me, but never used, I wanted to use them this year and I like the connection.

It was a small gathering, 3 out of 4 of her Godparents, 2 other special grown-ups and 3 children. It worked beautifully, enough people to have several conversations happening but not too many to be overwhelming. A very special afternoon, the stuff of happy memories, thank you.

PLEASE VOTE, NOW!

Jenny Bowen of Half the Sky has been nominated as one of the foreigners, resident in China, to carry the Olympic Torch in next year's torch relay. The voting ends on Sunday night at midnight (China time) - If you can, then please vote for her and encourage friends and family to do the same.

Just click here. Thank you.

MUCH BETTER DAY

We had a party this afternoon, more news of that (with photos) later.

THEN THERE WERE 3

Daisy, my aging yellow Labrador. 13 and a half and arthriticy.

Boozie, my Blenheim (brown and white) Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Nearly 5, very hairy, Alice's favourite.

Fusspot, now my only tricolour Cavalier. 18 months old and rather too appropriately named. My lapdog.

Have they noticed Jolly's absence? I don't think so, but the little ones have known all day that something was upsetting me and have stuck particularly close. They're all snoring gently under the desk, when there were 4 they didn't all fit. Now I'm going to disturb them by moving rooms to veg in front of the telly, cuddling as many furry friends as possible.

MY JOLLY DOG

Tonight I only fed 3 dogs.

The irony of today is that she really didn't look poorly, having had a bad back for the past year or so she managed to climb up and down the stairs like a puppy today. She still had a glossy coat and a sparkle in her eye and was still greeting visitors at the door with a waggy tail. As always she was so excited to see the lead and go for a ride in the car.

It's especially hard, today of all days as it's the fourth anniversary of my Mum's death and as if that weren't enough, Jolly is the dog we shared.

She was only 10 and that doesn't seem old enough but the vet reassured me that further treatment would only add days or a week or two, it wouldn't change the prognosis just extend the time. That didn't seem fair to Jolly. The vet and his staff were excellent and very kind to both of us, it must be a horrid part of their job but they made it as easy as possible for us.

A rotten day, but days like today shouldn't be easy when it's about something you love.

I miss her. I will miss her turning circles with excitement, rounding the others up at bedtime, assuming its bedtime when I put my shoes on or when she heard the Windows log-off music, I will miss her optimistically waiting by the biscuit cupboard or bothering when other dogs are shut the wrong side of a door, but most of all I will miss following me from room to room and settling within touching distance, I will miss her just not being there.

NOT A GOOD DAY

4 years since Mum died.

And Jolly is being put to sleep this afternoon - they can't treat the kidney problems and there's only short term relief available, it's not fair to let her suffer. I love my dog.

YESTERDAY AND A PRESENT!

Thanks for the kind wishes, texts, comments, blogs (check out 3CMum) and calls.

It's over for another year and I feel OK today, not sure whether tomorrow will be bad or not. Usually my birthday (10th) is worse than the actual anniversary (12th), not sure why - memories of both days from 2003 are very clear in my memory.

Jolly wouldn't get out of bed this morning, I'm still extremely worried about her - she's my oldest Cavalier but she's only 10.

. . . and the present? (3CMum - have you guessed yet?)

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It's a Bugaboo Bee, a new LIGHTWEIGHT, SINGLE FOLD, pushchair. They won't be released over here until February next year, mine should arrive in about 2 weeks - postal strike permitting!

STATISTICS YET AGAIN

Over 24,000 visitors from 76 countries. WOW.

MY JOLLY DOG

. . . is poorly, she's having digestive problems that mean she doesn't want to eat. We've been to the vet a few times in recent weeks. This week's blood test results are worse than last week's. She's got problems with her pancreas and kidneys. I've managed to get her eating again this week (raw mince and cooked rice) but she's not her usual self, very withdrawn and sleepy. She's the dog that I shared with Mum and I'm worried about her. I've got to ring the vet again in the morning.

THE GOOD BITS . . .

. . . a card . . . from Alice, with her hand prints inside. I think she might have had some help from T (who knew how much I wanted to record her hand print) - definitely a card for Mummy to treasure.

An evening out . . . good company, good food, good time - thanks N.

Good news . . . new baby O . . . news from J about son J (fab!)

Lots of friends . . . who care and made my day brighter with calls, texts, visits, birthday serenades. (I was especially glad to hear from J, she knows why, xxx)

But most of all . . . my Alice - who I love more everyday (though everyday I think that it's impossible to love her more tomorrow than I do today), who's already brought me so much hope and happiness, she's incredible - but I think by now some of you may know how I feel!

TOO MUCH TIME WITH THE DOGS?!

A BIRTHDAY KISS . . .

. . . from Alice? Not this year, she'll only kiss the air!

Today I'm halfway to 70. I used to love my birthday but 4 years ago, 2 days after my birthday, my Mum died very suddenly, ever since then I've found my birthday a very difficult day to get through, I hoped that this year (with Alice in my arms) it might be different, unfortunately she couldn't take away the pain. I don't think my birthday will be the same again. I've cried more tears for my Mum today than in all the days since Alice came home, it's hard on a day like today.

Alice had more inoculations on Monday, she felt the effects today - she's been clingy and whingy (not just when I left her). By teatime she had a temperature, so she had some of the wonderful pink medicine, within 30 minutes the usual Alice was back, now I feel guilty that I hadn't realised earlier that she must have been feeling so rotten - T missed it too!

So how did I spend my 35th birthday? A slow morning with a surprise visit from a friend, followed by aqua (thanks for the serenade girls!), an afternoon being pampered and supper with N. Lots of phone messages and a few cards from people who delivered them - I had post but no cards (I wouldn't have thought about sending a card early last week either, so apologies to L [1 today xxx], C [34 tomorrow] and J [35 on Saturday] as your cards will be late too!!

Just to add to the events of the week - I've just heard that my friend K (who we visited on our way up to W and J) had a baby girl at lunchtime, a planned C-section and (even though she wouldn't share the planned date) I had a feeling it might be today. Delighted, a little girl to add to a lovely family - what a great ending to the day!

TONIGHT I HELD MY BABY AND CRIED

. . . overwhelmed with emotion.

My baby teased me and kissed thin air! She knows how to kiss. I've been kissing her, multiple times each day, since July 1st, she's never returned the emotion. But tonight Alice made the kissy sound, her lips sort of puckered, Mummy held her tight, rocked her and cried!

Attachment continues - she now whinges when I walk away from her, especially when we're out and about, she continues to whinge as I return until we're within touching distance. That whinge is a sweet sound at the moment - a sign that my baby recognises I'm important to her and wants to be with me. She's also making it clear that she doesn't want to talk to people she doesn't recognise, even when they're friendly. Only a few weeks ago she would go to most people (if Mummy would let them, or wasn't quick enough to stop them!) without complaining - not any more!

Day by day the love deepens and grows, even when I feel overwhelmed with love for her. It's an incredible feeling and worth every second of the wait.

It's an emotional week anyway this week - with both our birthdays, the anniversary of Mum's death and the memories of last year and thoughts of events at home and somewhere in Yunnan as my baby was being born.

THE MORNING AFTER

. . . and all was peaceful overnight. Didn't see the police, if they came out.

As I do every night, I used the burglar alarm and I think that this may be the 'gypsy's warning' to do a review of security.

MEANWHILE . . .

. . . I'll catch up with blogging - typing isn't too noisy and I've got a good view of the road (plus both phones to hand!)

I left Alice for nearly 6 and a half hours today - the longest time yet. The magnificent T looked after her all day while Mummy went gallivanting - winter clothes shopping to London.

It's a 25 ish minute drive to the station, 105 minute train journey, so the return travel time is 260 minutes, that leaves 130 minutes for taxis and shopping, oh, how times have changed!! All that way for less then 2 hours shopping! My favourite clothes shop closed while I was in China, I'd got details of a new one, hopes were high for a new favourite. They were very helpful and became more friendly but it just wasn't the same, their style doesn't suit me so much, I did buy some clothes, but they're not going to be the basis for my winter wardrobe. Argh!!

Then I went on to my favourite department store (JLP), just as the magnificent T had predicted, I bought stuff for Alice - Christmas melamine 'plasticery', a duvet cover and toys! After that I caught another taxi back to the station, bought lunch, timed it beautifully for a train and managed to find a seat, I also managed to read and sleep the journey home!!

I was home by 4pm. Alice was sat on the backdoor mat and she gave me the most fantastic, beaming grin when she saw me. Life is good, even if the wardrobe contents isnt'!!

I WAS GOING TO HAVE AN EARLY NIGHT, WHEN . . .

. . . the doorbell rang.

There was a man on my doorstep, he wanted me to call a taxi. I left him there, locked the door and tried to get a cab for him, I failed. He was confused, I gave him directions, shut the door again, made sure all the doors were locked and then rang my neighbours.

He'd already been to one set, coming to me was going in the wrong direction. Both sets of neighbours came out, one then found him in our lane again - he didn't know where he'd come from.

Then I rang the police. They're coming out for my safety and his.

I don't like this. I'm OK, Alice is OK, the dogs are OK. The lights are blazing and I'm not going to bed for a while, too wired at the moment. I'll wait up to see if the police do manage to drive by. It's times like this that I feel vunerable - even though I know that I'll be OK.

[Can't even watch TV as I'm straining to hear over the commentary!]

NOT YET ONE, BUT ALREADY ON THE LIST FOR SCHOOL!

We went to look at a school this morning. The head teacher was my best buddy during my teacher training. She didn't know that we were coming but was delighted to see us. We looked around the school (nursery and infants) and then I signed Alice up.

It's not definite that Alice will go there as there are a few logistical issues to overcome, but I was impressed the standard of work, staff to pupil ratio (1 to 8) and the general atmosphere.

PHOTOGRAPHIC HELP NEEDED

These photos were taken seconds apart, with the camera on the same setting, so:
1. Why are they different?
2. How can I adjust the settings so that the colours always come out like the second photo?

TIA

MORE ABOUT HAIR!

Is definitely falling over at the front! Looking back over the photos from the last few weeks it hasn't just happened, the 'fringe' has been getting thicker gradually - I just hadn't noticed til now.

Alice doesn't seem to mind though!

Next hair cut, Thursday next week.

EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!

I'd spotted a pink rocking butterfly in ELC, but failed to get it from the first couple I tried - they're only stocked in larger stores.

Today we went to Bristol, to buy Alice's birthday present and some other things, including a duvet for her cotbed. Usually we just go to Cribbs Causeway, a regional shopping mall with John Lewis etc. Today we headed towards the city centre, to a different retail park - to a Motherc@re, for a cotbed duvet that's out of stock online, it's also out of stock in Cardiff and Bristol!! On the same park is a Mamas and Papas, so I thought I'd check out the rockers there (as they make the one in ELC). They had 4 to choose from, but not the pink one, Alice tried them all, rocked on each one and had a great time. I've never been quick at making (relatively) simple decisions (yet strangely, important decisions are usually reached quite quickly!) There was a caterpillar rocker (unsupported back, Alice was a little wobbly on this one, but no size restriction), a yellow and pink butterfly (like the ELC one but less pink) and a brightly coloured version (both had relatively large seat area) or a brightly coloured 'Lottie' (smaller seat but turns into a wheeled rider). Eventually I chose the 'Lottie' rocker rider - it would have been a much quicker decision if I'd realised the prices, I, of course, chose the most expensive, but equally it should last longer as it's multi-functional (even if the seat part is smaller than the other choice!)

The next dilemma - whether Alice should have it immediately or wait until her birthday. The decision - if she has it now then she'll get more use out of it. I brought it into the playroom and she beamed, it wasn't a surprise as it had sat next to her in the back of the car all the way home but she obviously hadn't noticed it!!

Alice, delighted, rocked the night away - til bedtime at least!!

PINCHING

Alice sometimes pinches me. Most often just under my neck.

The last time she pinched me was at the end of last week. We were in my bed, it was first thing in the morning and she'd just had the first bottle of the day. She pinched, I yelped and told her to be 'gentle'. Then she patted me!! Gentle was the word I used as I helped her stroke the dog, we've obviously got a slight communication hiccup, now I use the word 'stroke'!!

HAIR, AN UPDATE

. . . or should it be a down-date? Yes, you've got it, Alice had a hair-wash tonight and when her hair dried IT DIDN'T STAND UP!!

I think that we may have reached the critical length. It's not totally flat, but her forehead is now covered. The style isn't so striking, but hopefully that means that other people will keep their hands off! She still looks beautiful and she still a cutie - those are the important things.

STRESS WITH THE NHS

Arrived. Eventually followed pedestrians back to their car and was able to wait for their space, the parking alone was stressful.

Staff not happy as GP had added extra bloods without letting the consultant know. I'd managed to get 'Emla' to numb the skin, I'd put it on the insides of Alice's elbows - as instructed by the GP. Staff still not happy - they take blood from the back of the hand and they use a numbing spray not cream!

They were worried about authority and who would pay for the tests. They questioned me closely about if I was legally Alice's mother. I was so stressed that I didn't think to take any paperwork with me, not even her red book, but I did remember the drink, biscuit, book and cuddly 'Pickles'.

The main nurse was stroppy and unpleasant, the support staff were lovely. They kept us waiting over an hour. Predictably Alice screamed! Typically she bled more after they removed the needle! She won't have a bruise. They covered her hand with a little plaster.

After that we went to the supermarket. Getting out of the car I noticed that Alice's plaster had gone - that might have been what she was choking on as I drove out of the hospital, oops!

I FEEL SICK

Alice is having a blood test this morning. I've 'Emla'ed up her arms, the cream is squeezing out of the covering. I know that I'm going to have to hold her while someone else hurts her. I wish it could be me not her.

BOB, BLOB AND BUMPS

Over the last few days I've met lots of friends, some newish, some from childhood. In that time I've met several friends who are expecting babies - 1 imminently, several in the new year. Congratulations to all the expectant parents (you know who you are!) - I can't wait for cuddles with the new babies and Alice can't wait for her new playmates, Blob especially!

ANNIVERSARIES

3 months with Alice. WOW. A lifetime and the blink of an eye, both together. She's changing so quickly I'm really grateful that I was able to be with her from such a young age.

A year blogging. I looked back to the first posts from September 06 - you can find them here or in the archive. 1 year on and my life has transformed, as I knew it would, I just didn't know when it would change. Some things stay the same 'I had to shut the back door and turn the heating on' . It was very obvious when we got home that Autumn has arrived, I'm sitting here shivering, my fingers are clumsy as they're so cold, the back door is shut again and this year I never managed to turn the heating off (just turned the thermostat down).

6 MONTHS

Referrals are coming in again. It looks like the CCAA have completed applications that were logged-in during November 2005. I think that there are at least 2 UK families 'expecting' this month - congratulations!

They started referring Nov 05 in May, so it's taken 6 batches to refer 1 month's worth of applications, making the wait extend by 5 months. Ugh.

FALLING DOWN AND HEALTH UPDATE

. . . not Alice, just her hair!! It's getting longer so it might be because it's getting too heavy, but I think it's just because she slept with her head against the side of the travel cot.

As for her health, she's finished the antibiotics, she's still got a nasty, wheezy cough, but the cough is looser and her temperature is back to normal, she's a bit more like herself too. Much better, but still not quite back to normal.

HOME AGAIN!

You may have guessed - we've been away.

We left home on Friday morning to visit Uncle W and Auntie J.

On the way we stopped off at K's, she hadn't meet Alice before so it was lovely to introduce them. Alice had a lovely time playing with different toys and exploring her family room. It was great to see K and her family, I've known her for over 20 years, it was lovely to catch up. Their household will be changing very soon when K has her third baby, congratulations K, we can't wait to meet the new baby 'B'.

The traffic was heavy all the way from K's to W and J's, the final 3 miles took over 90 minutes and was extremely frustrating to me - I gave Alice a sippy cup to play with, she got soaked, drank only a very little but enjoyed herself! She didn't mind the rug this time, but she cried every time I put her to down to sleep in the travel cot. The crying generally lasted less than a minute and then she slept soundly, more traumatic and worrying for Mummy than Alice.

On Saturday W and J had a belated housewarming BBQ, the reason for our visit. Alice coped very well with lots of people and small children around - I think it helped (a lot) that she was already familiar with her surroundings and that people came into that rather than being presented with a room of strangers. I kept her close or with familiar people (when I had to go and get things - her supper, muslin etc).

We had a quiet day on Sunday. Alice slept until nearly 8.30am, that would be a treat, except that I woke just after 7am and barely dozed beyond that, expecting Alice to wake soon!! She showed clearly how much she understands - she was told 'NO' when she approached a low level bookshelf, several times later in the morning she crawled to the same spot, put her hand close (but not touching) the books and shook her head at me!! After lunch I kept Alice awake until we went out for a walk, she slept in her pushchair and then admired the view of the river and passing boats.

On Monday we were up early to say 'Goodbye and thank you' to W and J before they went to work - we had a super time, but thank you doesn't seem an adequate expression of how grateful I am.

After we'd packed up we made our way across London to visit 3CMum and her lovely daughter A. The As had a great time playing in the same place - can't really say that they played TOGETHER! It was lovely to meet A and great to catch up with C. Alice relaxed very quickly in their home, I think that was mainly due to A's presence and Alice recognising another baby with familiar features, but I'm sure the friendly and welcoming atmosphere helped too! Her reaction to their dog was interesting. They have a lovely, youngish, chocolate Labrador (we have an elderly yellow one!), he was very well behaved but Alice was terrified - unlike her experience meeting our dogs, she didn't calm down, turning quickly to me for protection. I'm sad that she didn't relax with him (he is a lovely dog), I'm sad that she is less courageous in her attitude, I'm grateful that she accepted our dogs so quickly and easily and I'm especially pleased that she sought reassurance and protection from me (good sign of attachment).

Alice was very good through the day-times, but got very tired on Sunday and had a meltdown during tea and it lasted until bedtime. She travelled well but it seems like she isn't going to sleep through journeys, she will sleep in the car, but only for 30-40 minutes.

The most striking part of the trip was Alice's reaction to coming home. We drove into the drive, Alice smiled. She was pleased to be back in the playroom in her playpen of balls, but the major reaction came about 10 minutes after we got home, at teatime, waving, smiling, flapping, bouncing and giggling in her highchair, she was delighted, it was the food, it was the dogs but I think mostly it was the familiar environment. I love my home and I think that Alice does too. Her reaction to coming home almost makes me feel guilty for taking her away, but she needs to learn the permanence of home and we had fun!