Monday, October 06, 2008

HOMESTUDY - THIRD VISIT

This week we went through the first Homestudy - the section about me and noted the areas that needed editing or rewriting. We discussed most of the revisions along the way. Nearly 2 and a half hours of almost non-stop talking (mostly me) and poor SW only got 2 cups of tea, I was too busy talking to stop and make tea!

This week my SW was very encouraging about my parenting skills and reassured me about Panel. It was a very constructive visit - with the first Homestudy I expected it to be intrusive and while there are some very personal issues to be discussed I actually find it a cathartic experience - at the same time I'm sad that this will be my final experience of paperchasing. It's odd, I don't particularly enjoy the paperchase, but it's the part of the process over which I have the most control.

As this HS is being done within 5 years of the first it's only an 'Update' that's needed. Though it seems like we're revisiting every area. It's a very different experience than last time - and not just because I've a new SW. Last time I was hesitant and bowed to the knowledge of the professionals, this time I have the experience and the support networks, I'm much more confident, more driven (I know the joy and the challenges of adoption), I'm ready for the paperwork and I feel more in control. I also feel like I'm ready to fight - not sure WHO I'm fighting, but I feel like I have to fight, to strive, to be able to bring this baby home - it's not an aggressive fight, just a determined one.

Adoption doesn't happen by accident, you have to REALLY want it for it to happen. Alice will know how much she was wanted because I did it for her and then did it again after I had her. Little Sis will know how much she was wanted because of this blog and because despite knowing the challenge that it is to adopt, I did again for her. Hopefully by the time Little Sis comes along Alice will be old enough to appreciate the experience and for it to give her another perspective on my journey to her as well.

Next time (in 2 weeks - having next week to visit one of the referees while I have a week-off for Alice's baptism) we'll discuss how Alice's presence has changed my life - I think it's going to be an even longer meeting!!

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