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Sunday, October 29, 2006

PATIENCE

Waiting for something is an inherent part of human nature. It is something that you have had to deal with ever since you first came into this world.

An infant waits to be held, fed, changed
A student waits for recess, lunch, summer vacation
An adult waits for payday, vacation, promotion

The above list is obviously just a small sampling of what we have all had to wait for during our lives. However, as adoptive parents or parents-to-be, our patience has faced a new challenge.

When a woman becomes pregnant, we all know that the 'wait' for birth is roughly 9 months. Sure, there can be complications or circumstances where the timing might change, and the child might be born sooner or later than this timeframe, but for the vast majority of pregnancies, the parents-to-be have a general idea of when to expect the child to enter their lives. You can pretty much schedule your vacation around it.

Adoption is different.

With adoption, you are at the mercy of others from the very moment that you request the application from your chosen agency. You are forced to rely upon their response time processing your request, as well as the time that it takes to get their approval back to your mailbox. Next, you must weave your way through a mound of paperwork, resulting in more challenging waiting periods involving social workers, local, state, and government officials, as well as the Chinese government.

And when you have finally completed all of the required paperwork, the real wait begins.

There is little that can be said to you during this part of the wait that will make the waiting any easier. In contrast, what is said to you can -and usually does- add to the pain of the wait itself. "When will you get a picture?", "When will you know?", "Where is she?", etc. While most of the comments are meant in good faith, the bottom line answer to all of these questions is: you just don't know! You can narrow things down by selecting a waiting child, but you will still be unable to answer the "but when will you travel to bring your child home?" question.

So much is out of our hands as adoptive-parents-in-waiting, and yet we all strive to have some sort of feeling that we are in control. It is this struggle for control that often drives us crazy while we wait.

The last thing that you want to hear is someone saying to you, "The wait will be more than worth it!". In fact, you sometimes want to hit the next person that says that to you.

As taken from: www.redthreadkids.org

Friday, October 27, 2006

JANUARY!

Bloody h*ll! Ecky thump!!

Freaking out in Wales - not sure whether to celebrate or panic. Can't believe it might actually happen in 3 months or so. Cor.

Off to Mothercare tomorrow!

Dad - you'd better decide if you want to be Grandad or Grandpa! x

WHEN WILL 'IT' HAPPEN?

Latest news from the Rumour Queen (http://chinaadopttalk.com/2006/10/27/speculation/) is that December referrals could get as far as 24th Oct 05 - just 8 days before me!!

That would mean a January referral for me, ahead of all recent predictions by a month or more! However I haven't checked when Chinese New Year falls - so that may delay it a little longer.

'Spose I'd better get on with choosing nursery furniture and decorations!

Monday, October 23, 2006

THE NEW BLANKET'S GROWING!

OK - not the most beautiful of back-grounds, but you can see the different textures.

The border's moss stitch. The squares alternate between garter stitch and stocking stitch. It's nine squares wide (nearly a metre) and its length will depend on my stamina! So far it's about 22 cm deep - I think that it's growing quite well as I only started 10 days ago and I've never knitted anything this wide - or with a variety of stitches - can you tell I'm quite proud of it so far - I'm bound to muck it up soon, so I'll enjoy it while I can!

Having looked at the blog - yes it really is the same colour!

I'VE BEEN GALAVANTING!! BUT I'M HOME AGAIN NOW

I've had a lovely few days.

On Friday I went to Surrey for lunch with my Godmother. Then I went on to London to stay with W & J. On Saturday I went to the Baby Show at Earl's Court - more of that later. Yesterday (Sunday) I managed to have 3 meals out - each in a different house!! I started with breakfast with W & J, then went on to lunch with Dad before stopping off, on the way home, with my best friend J for tea and P's bathtime. I had a super weekend but it's lovely to be home, sleep in my own bed and have a cuddle with my girls - Fusspot's growing up, she's much more aware of my return this time and last night she kept breaking off mid-game to come for a quick cuddle. Unfortunately it's also noticably colder at home.

The Baby show was interesting, but not as good as I'd anticipated - fewer bargains and less variety than I expected. Neverthelss I did manage to buy some bits - but only a few! I bought a sheepskin for a pushchair (they're supposed to keep her warm in winter and cool in summer), a doll(well 2 actually - but one's a Christmas present) , a red cross-over top for age 2-3, a snack cup and some pink muslins,

I also got to test drive a few pushchairs - which reinforced my view that I want a Bugaboo Cameleon.

I also discovered that Freebie (my Volvo) has the Isofix system - this will make car seats easier to install correctly.

I had a lovely few days and caught up with lots of important people - but I'm really tired and it's good to be home!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

INTRODUCING CAROL


Following her special request I thought it was only fair to introduce my friend and craft guru - without her the first blanket wouldn't be the same and the second blanket would never even have been planned!!

IT'S FINISHED, PROPERLY FINISHED!


It may not look very different - particularly as the first photo wasn't very clear! But it is finished - it now has a crochet edge in the multicoloured wool. Thanks to C for the crocheted edge!

What next? It's already started - another blanket of squares, but this time knitted in one piece. I'm branching out and trying new stitches. It's got a moss stitch border and will have small squares of garter stitch and stocking stitch. It's been slow to start as moss stitch is slow to knit but the border at the bottom is nearly finished so it should grow more quickly once the moss stitch is finished.


LINKS ADDED - HURRAH!

I like this new template - I've been able to add links to other websites - only 3 so far.

The first new links is for the Rumour Queen - she collates all the latest rumours, grades them according to reliablity and believabilty.

The second new link is for my DTC group website - if you don't know what that means go and have a look, but don't forget to come back!

The third new link is for the school where I teach.

I will be adding new links again soon - so look out for China adoption websites, favourite China blogs and maybe some other things too!

UPDATE - Technical hitch, just tried the links and only the Rumour Queen works. Will update again when the others go to the intended websites.
FURTHER UPDATE - They work now, but I don't know why!

HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT THE BLOG'S CHANGED?

I thought pink was more appropriate (with the usual note that it might be a boy!)

But, fantastic side-effect, there are now links - yippee!!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

NAMES, NAMES, NAMES

Lots of people have asked about her name. These are my thoughts so far!

Whatever 'it' is will have a Christian name, then family name, Chinese name and finally surname!

Names are really important and as a teacher nearly every name has an association.

If he's a boy (unlikely but possible) then it's simple. He will be Jonathan. His family name will be Nicholas after my step-father (note to self - must check if he had an 'h', not so daft as we always called him Nick). There's no debate on boy's names!

If she's a girl then it's WAY more complicated! I promised Mum that if I ever had a daughter then she would have the second name Elizabeth - just as Mum did and I do. So I'll have to save my favourite name for my second daughter as Eliza Elizabeth just isn't fair!!

Most days she's Clara, sometimes Emilia (Milly) and occassionally she was Joanna (until I realised that would rule out Jonathan for any future son!) I also really like Alice / Alys.

As for the Chinese name it depends on what the Chinese name sounds like in English. Mostly the Chinese give symbolic names for strength but this could be weakened - depending on who named her and the SWI (Social Welfare Institution, i.e. orphanage) she comes from. I am not going to give her a name with a poor or suggestive English translation. Many babies have the name 'Bao', I'd really like this for my child as it means Treasure (Mum's maiden name) - I know it's unlikely but anything's possible!

There's alot to say about Chinese name formation - but I'll save that for another day!

Lastly (for now) all this neat theory will probably go out of the window when I see the photo or when I meet him/her!

ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY

My papers were sent to China 12 months ago.

The adoption rollercoaster continues . . .

WHAT COULD GO IN THE NURSERY? WHAT SHOULD GO IN THE NURSERY?

As you've seen the nursery isn't very child friendly - yet.

This is because the builders haven't started to replace the windows throughout the house - yet! They promise that they will be finished in plenty of time for Christmas, time will tell.

So in the meantime I've been window shopping for nursery bits - furntiure, fabric and accessories.

Whenever I see fabric that I really like I take a photo of it. Here's what I've found so far:

























I know - if it's Jonathan and not whatshername - he'll love it!! I really like the idea of a fabric that isn't just babyish - so that by changing the accessories it will look like a little girl's bedroom.

Friday, October 13, 2006

WHAT'S IN THE NURSERY?

More than would first appear!!

At the moment it still looks like my stepfather's dressing room.
But there's more going on behind the scenes - quite alot of retail therapy has occurred. It started in Cyprus at the beginning of last year - all A's fault - with a beautifully soft cardigan in my favourite colours, yellow and navy!!

Since then a lot more therapy has occurred - if it's a boy then he's going to look great in his dresses!! Her wardrobe is quite varied - going up to age 6!!!



She's got plenty of clothes and a variety of bibs (have stopped buying bibs until I discover which style works best for us)!









So when I realised that she had a wide variety in her wardrobe I started to worry about her toybox!
More shopping was definitely necessary. Her collection started with a Taggie blanket (underneath the others) it's fleecy and soft (can you tell that I shop by texture?) with different ribbons sewn in loops around the edge. She's also got several Asian dolls (including one that's a rattle), a chime ball, rolly turtle, sleeping teddy and the tubular thingy is a bath toy. Her latest addition is a toy bought in France this summer - the tree which is a threading toy with lots of colourful fruit and flower beads - I'm a great believer in threading toys for motor skill development and pattern making (and they're fun!!)

REFLECTIONS ON A BITTERSWEET WEEK

What do you give the girl who has everything? Flowers - it seems!! Lots of 'em and I love 'em!

On Monday I paniced about the week to come and how I would feel. Finishing her baby blanket was a fantastic end to the day - I still so proud!!

Tuesday, my birthday, I was really busy. I spent the day in school - writing web pages and talking with very small children about numbers, I had a great time. Then I went on to see my friend D and her new baby A, I was met with presents, a cake (with candles) and a tuneful redition of 'Happy Birthday!' Quick trip home to feed the dogs, open lots of post, receive some beautiful flowers (deliverd to the neighbours) and take a few more phone calls. Then I went out to supper with friends to the Black Bear - excellent company and fantastic food. So having had doubts before the day I ended up enjoying all of it - and managed to remember Mum with a smile!

Wednesday - a quiet day was needed and enjoyed. A bit of aqua in the morning and another meal out - at The Horseshoe - with aqua buddies in the evening. Another 3 course meal, again with steak and a choccy pud along with some cider - just as good as the previous evening. Today's first batch of flowers arrived by post from my generous and precoious 2 year old god-daughter P (I think that her Mum may have lent a helping hand and credit card!) The second bunch were given to me in the pub.

Thursday. I was supposed to go into school for the morning, but the builder is finally bringing the carpenter to measure up for all the new windows. Lunch with family friends - just a modest bowl of soup - but it was delicious!! Today's flowers were wrapped and waiting for me on the table!


After all those worries about how this week would be, it's been good - can I do it again next week please?

Monday, October 09, 2006

AN EARLY PRESENT!

One of the traditons associated with adoption is to make a quilt of good wishes - a patchwork quilt made from material given by friends and family who write a wish to go with their patch. A lovely idea, but I'm not a particularly creative person - certainly not yet sufficiently proficient on the sewing machine. I have other plans for a quilt (more to come another time!)

In the meantime I have been knitting - for the first time (with a lot of help from my friend Carol - more of her another time too!!) This evening I finished it - well my part (Carol's going to crochet a border). The picture isn't very clear - but you can see how bright it is, but not how thick and lumpy!

This is the first craft project that I've actually finished - I'm good at starting them just not at completing them. I started it several months ago, most of it was knitted during my stay in hospital in September AND NOW IT'S FINISHED, HURRAY, HOORAH, YIPPEE!!! (Can you tell I'm pleased/proud?)

My daughter may not like pink - that's not important. What is important is that she will know that I thought about her while I waited for her and loved her before I met her. If my daughter turns out to be a son - then he will know that he was a bit of a surprise!!

What next? Another pink blanket!! Carol came with me to buy the yarn yesterday - I nearly drove her mad as I choose by feel and not by weight (which would make the making up much simpler as I could follow a pattern, instead she has to write me a new version - a true friend! x)

A BITTERSWEET WEEK

It's my birthday on the 10th, the third anniversary of Mum's death on the 12th and the first anniversary of my papers going to China on the 14th - what a week!

In advance of my birthday and Mum's anniversary I can separate the events and look forward to the former - however as they approach they become less distinct and more emotional. I keep hoping that I can keep the two events separate, in order to celebrate the first, but at the moment I don't feel that will be possible this year. Luckily the weak moments seem to happen when I'm alone, so my plan is to keep so busy that I won't have a chance to remember or be alone.

As for the anniversary of my papers going to China that's also a bittersweet milestone. Thank heavens I didn't know this time last year that I'd still be waiting 12 months on! It's a very strange situation really - 12 months ago I thought I'd be receiving referral in about 6 months - and now I expect to be receiving referral in about 6 months. Ironic really - I'm in the same situation as a year ago but yet I know that I've moved on in the queue!! I've got to the stage that if the adoption finally comes through (can't tempt fate and say 'when') that it'll still take me by surprise and I won't be prepared!!

I think that I'll be glad when this week, with all these milestones, is over.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

OK, SO THIS IS ME!

So I 'fessed up - in direct response to a special request - here are some pictures of me.

Clue:
One is a little out of date, but I'm still brunette.
The other is more recent - but while I had blonde highlights!

Today's challenge is to match the description to the picture!!!

HOME SWEET HOME

It's been a year of changes at home - including builders, decorators and estate agents.

The changes started in January - with doors being fitted to the garage, the ultimate in swish (remote control) and now no-one can tell when I don't answer the door if I'm out or just being anti-social!!

Then in April I found a house in Usk that seemed perfect, but lost it as I wasn't 'able to proceed'. Then the house next door to the original came on the market (even better than the original) - this time I offered over the asking price, but still didn't get it - I'm obviously not supposed to live in there as this now make 5 houses I've tried to buy in Usk!!

The change continues but the major decisions have been, I'm staying put and the builders are starting ASAP.

Sadly my original builder (who did the conversion and all other major works since) died suddenly at the beginning of the year. I'd known Michael since I was 10 - he converted the barn and build Oakfield Road before that. A great loss as I always felt that Michael protected me when he could. Luckily my new builders have taken on a lot of the tradesmen that worked for Michael in the old days - including several who worked on the conversion back in 1990.

They're going to replace virtually all the windows (except for the kitchen windows Mum did), they will be hardwood and double glazed - I'm dreaming of winter warmth without breaking the bank! The house will look different from the outside as they will be stained not painted and the brown mirrored strip between my bedroom floor and the dining room ceiling will be replaced with a tiled strip - like the windows on either side. It will also mean new doors on the yard side - I haven't decided what style yet.

I'm also hoping to put a wood burner in the sitting room - but can't decide on metal pipe on the roof (ugly) or fireplace in the sitting room (extremely bulky). Either way the spare room will need redecorating - what a SHAME.

When the builders have finished replacing windows I will start decorating the nursery - but probably not until next spring, I'm hesitant to start too soon as it could tempt fate - not sure Jonathan would be too happy in a pink bedroom.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

MEET THE FAMILY! FUSSPOT

This is the youngest member of the family (for now!)

Meet Fusspot, a tricolour Cavalier bitch born in April 2006 who came home 8 weeks later. What a character - the day she came home it was as if she unpacked her bags and decided this was home!! Instant bonding!

I wasn't planning on having another dog this year - but suddenly it seemed appropriate to have a puppy and get it trained before small people come home. However because I wasn't planning another puppy I hadn't given names much consideration - she came home as Dizzy (but then I realised that phonetically this is easily confused with Daisy) so she became Fusspot, I'm not overly keen on the name but it stuck before I could come up with a better one! (Don't worry, I've been planning daughters' names for several years!) Unfortunately her name holds true at mealtimes, she is a very fussy eater and unusually for a Cavalier she doesn't have a great appetite.

She has got an very long tail and is a happy little puppy. She's incredibly affectionate and even demands a cuddle first thing every morning (she can't function without it!)

She's still very much a puppy and loves her dog toys. She has some atrocious habits - the worst being bringing things in from the garden, these then become treasured objects - not too bad in the case of an old section of garden hose or thick twig, not so pleasant when it's a rotting toad though! Oh, and she loves crunching snails, ugh!

She's great with the other dogs - her body language is appropriate and submissive, but I can tell she wants to be just like them (follows after them and copies what they do!) She plays great chasing games with Boo and is giving Boo a second chance at puppyhood.

MEET THE FAMILY! DAISY

This is my Labrador, Daisy.

She's the old lady of the family, she was born on Mothering Sunday in 1994.

She was my Mum's dog and I was worried how she would adapt (as an older dog) to a change of ownership. Happily she has accepted me and usually does what I say - as long as she believes that I really do mean it! She walks well for other people on a lead but is quite agressive towards oncomers if I'm holding the lead.

She's always been aloof, but is becoming more openly affectionate. Years ago she would disappear when people came to visit, only to reappear as they left - now she actually greets people with a wagging tail and (as a true Labrador) a nose to their groin!!

She's another vocal dog - groans after she has settled down and is too quick to oof. She's adept at opening doors (but not so good at closing them) and her teeth chatter when she's really excited. She loves to have her back rubbed and her ears scrunched. She's a great dreamer and can shake the whole bed with her dreaming twitches - I'd love to know what she's dreaming about. Despite being a gundog she's terrified of bangs, she shivers and is petrified during thunderstorms and hyperventillates during firework displays.

She's an intelligent dog with a good sense of humour. She definitely appreciates being treated individually - her favourite treats are to come upstairs to bed or to be taken in the car (without the others!)

MEET THE FAMILY! JOLLY

This is my loyal dog - Jolly. She really is a jolly dog with a very waggy tail that's easily set in motion!!

She's the oldest of my three Cavaliers. She was born in August 1997 and came home before she was 6 weeks old.

She was the puppy from hell but has become a lovely animal, very affectionate and quite vocal. She is definitely a creature of habit - she rounds the others up as soon as I put my shoes on (bedtime as I'm going out!) She will bother continually if one of the others is the wrong side of a door (in her opinion) and she turns circles when excited.

She loves to have her ears massaged and will making joyful groaning noises when really happy.

MEET THE FAMILY! BOOZIE

This is my possessive dog - Boozie - known as Boo to small children!

She's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, born in October 2002. She came home in February 2003. She had been called Boo by her breeder - but Boozie was on the shortlist for her name, also in some lights she looks slightly cross-eyed. So her name was meant to be, she suits if and it suits her!

We had nearly 8 months living together (with no other dogs) in Abergavenny before Mum died. That was more than enough time for her to establish ownership - she is still a possessive dog, very affectionate but she HAS to be closer than any other dog - even if than means sitting on my chest pressing her side into my face!! You've got to love that level of possessiveness!!!

Her worst habit - oofing - too much, too loud, too often sometimes at nothing in particular!